Your Miami Dolphins 2010 Football Season Preview

​Are you ready for our completely meaningless and arbitrary predictions for the upcoming Dolphins season? Well this is it. The Riptide 2.0 Miami Dolphins 2010 Football Season Preview. Are you ready to get your ass blown off with some seriously capricious and utterly subjective prognosticating? Then let's do this!

Holy crapbuckets it's been an awful off-season for the Miami Dolphins. GM Jeff Ireland kicked off the festivities by asking a potential draftee if his mother was a hooker. Then fan favorite and Fins legend Jason Taylor left to join the

Can the Dolphins win the division? There's no reason why they can't. Except for maybe they won't. Unless they do.

What the hell? Okay, we'll say they won't. The Patriots remain the best team in the AFC East, even with their own problems. Miami starts off with a pretty rough schedule (after this week's Bills game, of course). They visit Minnesota, play the Jets, and then face the Packers in Green Bay. Then they host the Steelers just when Ben Roethlisberger gets to come back and play football (unless we luck out and he shows his penis to another unsuspecting underage girl between now and then. Odds are always good that he will.). But no worries. The Fins are going to be a scrappy bunch and be a real pain in the ass for teams this year.

So... prediction? The Dolphins will finish the season 9-7 and clinch a wild card playoff berth. Brandon Marshall will prove he was worth trading for, and the young defense will have some solid games while going through growing pains. It will be an up and down season, for sure. Unless, of course, it all goes to shit. Which is always a real possibility with this team. LET'S GO FINS!!!

KEEP MIAMI NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Chris Joseph