You Haven't Lived Until You've Heard the Miami FC "We'll Shave Our Heads" Desperation Remix

Miami FC, the local minor-league soccer team that plays at Lockhart Stadium in Fort Lauderdale, makes no secret of being starved for attention. Since 2006, the squad's front-office denizens have labored like mad scientists to get butts in the bleachers. In its first season, Miami FC signed aging Brazilian demigod Romário de Souza Faria -- better known as simply Romário -- which was sort of the equivalent of the Marlins signing Barry Bonds... now. And this season, after literally begging for more season ticket buyers to help stave off suicide, the team signed two talented Cuban midfielders -- with perhaps hopes of piquing the interest of the Calle Ocho crowd. But the team is still hurting: This July, attendance hit a low point when 405 fans showed up at a game against Vancouver.

So Miami FC is getting right to the point with its latest stunt. The entire team and front office are pledging to shave their heads if people buy tickets: Specifically, one head will be de-coiffed for every 500 fans that show up for the final game, September 19, against Puerto Rico. From the news release:

Fans will soon be able to send their comments and suggestions to the team regarding which player or staff members' scalp they would like to see. All these messages will decide the order in which heads will be shaved.

"I am willing to shave off one of my most prized possessions -- my hair -- in return for a stadium filled with Miami FC fans," stated Aaron Davidson, president of the team, as he pointed to his abundant salt-and-pepper locks.

Our favorite part of the promotion: the strange "We'll Shave Our Heads" trance chant forming the soundtrack to the many videos the team has made of Miami FC personnel pledging to go bald in order to survive. It makes Riptide want to bust out the glowsticks.

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