4
| Flotsam |

What Happened to the Jesus Defense?

^
Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Miami and help keep the future of New Times free.

It was time to take a stand. The goddamned Miami Beach Police Department had given me a $38 "parking in a restricted zone" ticket for.... Well, parking in a restricted zone.

But they did it on Christmas Eve. There was no muss, no fuss. There was not even a "Merry Christmas" or even a muted "Happy Holidays." Just a big, stinking $38 ticket.

I'll tell you who else gave tickets on Christmas Eve —the Nazis.

Baby Jesus couldn't have slept too tight in his crib up in heaven that night. I kept him up with six hours of prayer: a couple of old Christian curses, a few "pox on their house" requests, and a plan to send locusts into the MBPD ticket registry. You know, Christmas stuff.

But that's not how the big J.C. swings these days, it seems. And it was up to me to fight this slap in his kingly little face. Because this ticket isn't just annoying. It's an affront on Jesus.

So after two weeks of waiting for my curses to be wrought, I headed downtown, to 22 NW 1st street, 4th floor. The pleasant woman behind the desk ticket desk reminded me that I had parked on a series of bright yellow lines and that asking for a court date could raise the fine to nearly $150. I conceded and entered a plea of "not guilty." Spin the wheel, baby.

Justice will be coming in about four to six weeks. Stay tuned, brothers and sisters. -Calvin Godfrey

Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.