Ultra Music Festival Noise Provokes (Hilarious) Complaint, Maybe Condom Catapults

As Hurricane Ultra doubles back upon Bayfront Park today, some cranky locals are once again boarding up the windows and bolting town. But apparently not everyone got the message about the massive, noisy music festival.

"We have no information about this event till yesterday," writes out-of-towner Michel Harr, who is staying across from Bayfront Park with his wife and twin infants. "Yesterday Big noise began to come through windows and walls and babies cried all the time."

Meanwhile, at least one local claimed to be using a catapult to shoot condoms from his condo at Ultra-goers.

Riptide could not verify the condom-catapult assault (posted on Reddit). Nor did New Times writers attending the festival witness rubber raining down on the crowd of ravers.

Harr, however, was furious that the festival was allowed to take place downtown and was charmingly unaware that the world's premiere EDM festival was taking place right outside his window. He did not answer calls for comment, but here is his full letter to New Times:

We are living in front of the Bay front park. We are now comer from the other city and have 8-month-old twin babies. We have no information about this event till yesterday. Yesterday Big noise began to come through windows and walls and babies cried all the time. We also were not able to sleep. Today we are surrounded by huge sounds and cannot take a rest even in the weekend. We are very annoyed about this event. It's too serious. I cannot believe that this noisy event was permitted in the center of the city. How should we ask the organizer to compensate it?
Sure, Harr might be more oblivious than Dave Chappelle's blind black guy who joins the KKK.  But he isn't alone in questioning whether the event should be held downtown. In January, Miami Commissioner Marc Sarnoff suggested scrapping the second week of the festival.

Altogether, Ultra's first week was up and down. There have been huge crowds (nearly twice as big as last year), and last weekend's 58 arrests were down from 71 last year.

But there was also an early scare when an LED display collapsed on several employees, breaking one man's legs.

And then there was this guy, apparently busted for dancing naked and masturbating in public.

The party rolls on later today, condom catapults and cranky neighbors be damned.

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Michael E. Miller was a staff writer at Miami New Times for five years. His work for New Times won many national awards, including back-to-back-to-back Sigma Delta Chi medallions. He now covers local enterprise for the Washington Post.