Wilma she ain't, but with Fay barreling toward the mainland and Floridians reacting with their usual mix of apathy and rage toward meteorologists, the storm has at least captured the attention of schoolkids everywhere in South Florida.
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In fifth grade classrooms up and down the coast, Fay has been declared the COOLEST STORM EVER. That's some serious last-minute reprieve from the governor shit there.
For the rest of us, Fay's looking more like a rain-soaking little punk than a serious bitch, now that Miami-Dade has moved outside the National Weather Service's ominously named "cone of concern."
Even if Fay does strengthen into a full-on hurricane and make a sudden right-hand turn toward Miami, fear not: Dive bars from Club Deuce to the Abbey Brewing Company say they'll be open tonight and ready to help you drink until you don't feel feelings.
-- Tim Elfrink