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Tony Sparano Is The New Fins Head Coach

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BREAKING NEWS: In what is the least shocking news to ever break in franchise history, Tony Sparano has been named head coach of your Miami Dolphins.

Update 2: The Dolphins website has made it official (evidently, they too have a shortage of Sparano pics).

Update: Mortensen is reporting it too.

And my reaction? Meh. That's cool.

Look, no doubt we needed a guy to come here and not completely shit the bed. And that's what Sparano seems to be. He's a guy Parcells has always liked and wanted around. When the Saints hired Sean Peyton to be their coach two seasons ago, he requested for Sparano to come be his offensive-coordinator in New Orleans. Parcells' answer to Peyton: "Fuck off."

So, needless to say, Parcells has always had a thing for Tony and his mustache and obviously had him in mind for the job down here the whole time. Sparano is an extension of Parcells and everything I've read about him says players respond to him and that he takes shit from nobody. This means you, Joey Porter!

But, with all that said, as I pointed out here, Jeff Ireland remains a more important hire than Sparano. Jeff Ireland is going to be the guy that gets Sparano the players. So Sparano's tenure as coach will be as successful as Jeff Ireland's personnel moves. It's that simple.

Aside from that, what I like the most about Sparano: he's not Nick Saban, which means no bullshit. And he's not Cam Cameron, which means he's not going to piss himself when he needs to decide what to do on a 4th and 1 at the opponent's 25 yard line. He's not Jimmy Johnson, so no blowhard promises of Super Bowls in three seasons. He's simply a football coach.

Also, his mustache is in much better shape than Dave Wannstedt's. So there's that. -- Chris Joseph

For more on sports from Chris Joseph go to FinsNation.com

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