The U is in First Place, Jim Kelly Still an Insufferable Douchebag

Don’t look now but the Miami Hurricanes are in first place in the ACC Coastal Division. Couldn’t decide between watching the Canes getting their mojo back or 30 Rock last night? That’s what the "previous channel" button on the remote is for (or, for those of you still living in a world where high-def DVDs are the next big thing, Britney Spears is on top of the charts, and our presidents are white, DVRs are a nice thing to get your hands on too). I was able to watch Robert Marve run in circles and Liz Lemon solve Jack Donaghy’s conundrums at the same time! Still, if you missed out on this game, then you missed out on what could be a turning point for the young Miami Northwestern High Hurricanes. Thanks to a Javarris James touchdown, a huge game from super-freak Marcus Robinson and three Matt Bosher field goals, the U took down the Virginia Tech Hokies 16-14 and put themselves back into the conversation.

Sure the offense still leaves a lot to be desired. Not being able to punch it in when we were in the redzone 800 times was a bit of a downer. But the U has always been about great defense, and that is exactly what it got last night.

The Canes recorded six sacks – three of them by Robinson – and clamped down on Beamerball like Charlie Weis on a Christmas ham. With 2:27 remaining, and the Hokies driving to get into game-winning field goal range, Robinson came up with a huge – literally and figuratively – third down sack, effectively sealing the win for Miami. The victory avenges an embarrassing loss to Virginia Tech last year, and gives Miami the outright lead in the ACC Coastal Division, a half-game ahead of Butch Davis’s Tar Heels.

Aside from the game, during a half time ceremony, the Hurricanes inducted five players into its Ring of Honor – Cortez Kennedy, Jim Otto, Gino Torretta, Edgerrin James and Jim Kelly. Kelly was asked about the honor by the ESPN commentators. And instead of talking about his days as a Hurricane and what an honor it is to be inducted by the University, he rambled on about his days as a Buffalo Bill and how they used to dominate the Dolphins back in the day and then chuckled and reminded us that Dan Marino is a good friend of his, as if this excused his overt assholishness.

So to recap, the Canes are in first, they’ve got their swagger back, and neither time nor age has kept Jim Kelly from being a horse’s cock.

-- Chris Joseph

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Jose D. Duran is the associate editor of Miami New Times. He's the strategist behind the publication's eyebrow-raising Facebook and Twitter feeds. He has also been reporting on Miami's cultural scene since 2006. He has a BS in journalism and will live in Miami as long as climate change permits.
Contact: Jose D. Duran