To all you perpetually negative Miami Dolphins fans: You're being ridiculous. The 2016-17 NFL season marks a fresh start for the Dolphins, a time when all fans can come together, embrace, pull out their pocket schedules, point to each game, and confidently state "win."
It's July — this is no time for negativity. This is no time to rehash past failures. It is a time for blind hope. Bovada may have pegged the Dolphins (66-to-1) with the fourth-worst odds of winning a title this year, but what does Las Vegas know? Everything, that's what. Wait, shit!
Whatever. I'm here to tell you why the Dolphins can win the Super Bowl this year. It's a really real possibility that could totally maybe happen.
The Dolphins can win the Super Bowl this year.
Why do you do this to yourself?
This time is different.
Cut the shit. What on Earth would make you believe the Miami Dolphins can win the Super Bowl this year?
You seem angry. Listen — all we are trying to do here is to match the beyond-a-reasonable-doubt threshold that is the standard of evidence required to validate a criminal conviction. If you don't believe the Dolphins are complete bullshit, you must acquit. It's in law books. That's the law.
That's not a real thing.
Seriously, though, what makes you think this year will be any different from the past 34 years?
Two words: Adam Gase. Five more words: I never learn my lesson. Something just seems different about the head coach the Dolphins picked this time around. Gase brings everything to the table that the Dolphins desperately need — first and foremost, the ability to get the best out of a quarterback. His reputation is that of an overprepared-players-coach, like Jim Harbaugh minus all the sketchy looks that make you feel unsafe around him.
Gase really seems like the perfect blend of Joe Philbin and Dan Campbell.
I'm not even sure a blend of Philbin and Campbell sounds appealing, to be honest.
Yeah, it really does sound like a terrible strain of Starbucks coffee.
Speaking of the Dolphins quarterback, why should I believe Ryan Tannehill can take the next step this year?
Plain and simple, because he will have more time to throw. The Dolphins' offensive line this season looks much more put-together than in seasons past. Tannehill has consistently been one of the most pressured quarterbacks in the NFL — that's no excuse for his bad play — but it's definitely a reason. Adding the talent of a Laremy Tunsil to a healthy Brandon Albert, Ja'Wuan James, and Mike Pouncey is pretty exciting. The Dolphins have more than enough options to find a serviceable right guard.
So Ryan Tannehill might play football better when he isn't running for his life?
That's it. You got it.
Most Super Bowl teams can point to one thing they do better than anyone else. What will be that thing for the Dolphins?
If there is one unit on the team that has the potential to be dominant, it's the defensive line. Cameron Wake, Mario Williams, Terrence Fede, Jordan Phillips, Ndamukong Suh, and Andre Branch could be a fabulous unit, and anything the Dolphins get out of former third overall pick Dion Jordan would be a bonus.
If there is a runnerup answer to this question, it would be the wideouts. That group has the potential to be elite as well.
Aren't you worried the Dolphins will miss Lamar Miller?
It's sort of hard to miss something you never actually used. Though it was a bummer to see Miller move on to the Houston Texans, a replacement should be just fine. Between Arian Foster, Jay Ajayi, and Kenyan Drake, the Dolphins have a solid one-two-three punch lined up in the backfield.
New coach Adam Gase prides himself on using multiple backs for entire series rather than subbing them in and out, so having three backs for less than the price of one seems like a good move. In today's NFL, running back is the easiest position to replace.
The Dolphins haven't won the AFC East since 2008. What makes you think they can even accomplish that?
Maybe you've heard of a little-known, glossed-over controversy called "Deflategate." You see, Tom Brady will miss the first four games of the season, which, in theory, should give the Dolphins a running head start in the AFC East. It probably won't happen, but you asked me why I think it might be possible.
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The Jets have some talent, but even with Ryan Fitzpatrick at quarterback, they're nothing to be worried about. The Bills are always going to be the Bills — don't let anyone ever tell you differently. If there were ever a year the Dolphins could win the AFC East, this would be that year.
If none of that is convincing enough for you, try this: The Dolphins have the easiest schedule in the AFC East this season.
I'm still skeptical.
I wouldn't expect anything else from a true Miami Dolphins fan.