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Miami, the neon swamp we all call home is, evidently, a fine place to sleep. A recent study conducted by Bert Sperling of fifty American cities places us at #8. Despite all the doomful possibilities (hurricanes, gunfire, giant reptile mauling) Miamians are sleeping a hell of a lot better than those jerks in Greensboro-Winston Salem. They’re ranked #9.
We’ve come a long way, baby. Just two years ago, Bert had us floundering at #43. New Times isn’t exactly sure about the criteria for determining a city “better” or “worse” for being unconscious in. Our progress was explained by Sperling’s Best Places (Bert’s ranking company) as such: “Miami residents reported getting an extra 1.4 days of sleep each month for a total of 22.8 day (or nights) of sleep, although its ranking was dampened by a long commute time and one of the highest divorce rates.”
Dr. Timothy Grant, a neurologist and sleep specialist at Jackson Memorial Hospital, couldn’t elaborate on our great leap forward either, but was pleased all the same. “I think it’s a good chamber of commerce thing to say that it’s terrific and it’s wonderful.” He estimated that the advances in sleep treatment technology (pills, therapy) and our depression-deflecting sunshine.
It’s enough to make someone want to just pass out right now!
So the next time you’re sweating into your mattress, tossing and turning as the blinding sunlight creeps through your window, take heart: You could be in Cleveland (#40).-Calvin Godfrey
