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The City That Sleeps

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Miami, the neon swamp we all call home is, evidently, a fine place to sleep. A recent study conducted by Bert Sperling of fifty American cities places us at #8. Despite all the doomful possibilities (hurricanes, gunfire, giant reptile mauling) Miamians are sleeping a hell of a lot better than those jerks in Greensboro-Winston Salem. They're ranked #9.

We've come a long way, baby. Just two years ago, Bert had us floundering at #43. New Times isn't exactly sure about the criteria for determining a city "better" or "worse" for being unconscious in. Our progress was explained by Sperling's Best Places (Bert's ranking company) as such: "Miami residents reported getting an extra 1.4 days of sleep each month for a total of 22.8 day (or nights) of sleep, although its ranking was dampened by a long commute time and one of the highest divorce rates."

Dr. Timothy Grant, a neurologist and sleep specialist at Jackson Memorial Hospital, couldn't elaborate on our great leap forward either, but was pleased all the same. "I think it's a good chamber of commerce thing to say that it's terrific and it's wonderful." He estimated that the advances in sleep treatment technology (pills, therapy) and our depression-deflecting sunshine.

It's enough to make someone want to just pass out right now!

So the next time you're sweating into your mattress, tossing and turning as the blinding sunlight creeps through your window, take heart: You could be in Cleveland (#40).-Calvin Godfrey

Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.

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Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.