Audio By Carbonatix
Miami, the neon swamp we all call home is, evidently, a fine place to sleep. A recent study conducted by Bert Sperling of fifty American cities places us at #8. Despite all the doomful possibilities (hurricanes, gunfire, giant reptile mauling) Miamians are sleeping a hell of a lot better than those jerks in Greensboro-Winston Salem. They’re ranked #9.
We’ve come a long way, baby. Just two years ago, Bert had us floundering at #43. New Times isn’t exactly sure about the criteria for determining a city “better” or “worse” for being unconscious in. Our progress was explained by Sperling’s Best Places (Bert’s ranking company) as such: “Miami residents reported getting an extra 1.4 days of sleep each month for a total of 22.8 day (or nights) of sleep, although its ranking was dampened by a long commute time and one of the highest divorce rates.”
Dr. Timothy Grant, a neurologist and sleep specialist at Jackson Memorial Hospital, couldn’t elaborate on our great leap forward either, but was pleased all the same. “I think it’s a good chamber of commerce thing to say that it’s terrific and it’s wonderful.” He estimated that the advances in sleep treatment technology (pills, therapy) and our depression-deflecting sunshine.
It’s enough to make someone want to just pass out right now!
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So the next time you’re sweating into your mattress, tossing and turning as the blinding sunlight creeps through your window, take heart: You could be in Cleveland (#40).-Calvin Godfrey
