86'd Johnson for 85

That's Mr. Ocho Cinco To You

With 99 to 1 odds that the Dolphins will win the Super Bowl, it's just too depressing to think about them. Until they improve I'll keep my attention on a certain Cinicinati Bengal's wide receiver from Liberty City who makes my head hurt too, but in a different, wonderful way. Like the headache you get after doing too many whippits.

The sports spectacle formally known as Chad Johnson has legally changed his name to Chad Ocho Cinco. Yes, he filled out the necessary paperwork, went before a judge and all that and never once thought that it wasn't a sensible thing to do. Ocho Cinco is the nickname he gave himself for Hispanic Heritage Month in 2006, and is the Spanish pronunciation of his number. The best repercussion of the name change so far is that his Wikipedia page has been edited to reflect the change in nomenclature.

"Ocho Cinco saw moderate playing time as a rookie... Ocho Cinco signed a contract extension... Ocho Cinco accumulated 260 receiving yards and scored two touchdowns."

This comes just weeks after Johns..., excuse me, Ocho Cinco claimed that roughly half the townspeople of Liberty City could beat Michael Phelps in the pool. This man is truly a local treasure. Can someone please sign him to the Dolphins?

Then again....never mind...all that losing would beat down his free spirit. How about his own team? The Liberty City Ocho Cincos. They'd become my new favorite NFL Team.

--Kyle Munzenrieder

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