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Thanksgiving? No Thanks for Cody, George W. and J Lo

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Thanksgiving: a glutton's favorite holiday and a vegetarian's worst nightmare. Love it or hate it, we're a week away from miserable flight delays, Salvation Army Santas, and arguing about politics with distant family relatives at the dinner table; we love the Holidays. And this year, we've got plenty to be thankful for.

From Jennifer Lopez to marijuana grow houses to the Republican scumslide, 2010 has been unforgettable thus far. We made a list of the five things we're (not really) grateful for this "Sanksgiving," as your abuelita might say, and encourage you to share some of the things you're thankful for this holiday season.

1. Governor-elect Rick Scott
Get your papers out, South Florida; we've got a good ol' boy in office. And if you're speaking Spanish or Portuguese or French, or anything other than American, you're fucked. We might soon have ourselves an Arizona immigration law of our own. Know why you're getting pulled over? You was doing fifty-five in a fifty-fo. Oh, and you're ethnic.

2. Cody Ross Wins NLCS MVP...with San Francisco
When Cody Ross signed with the Florida Marlins in 2006, he knew he'd win a World Series. The Marlins have an outstanding playoff record--two World Championships in as many appearances--but terribly selfish owners. What's the quickest way for the team to save a few bucks? Throw a stud you've developed over four years on waiver, and then watch him win a World Series with another team, that's how. (By the way, now that the Braves took Dan Uggla, expect them to win in 2011.)

3. Jennifer Lopez Becomes American Idol Judge
So the Miami lady never had real class, but she was nice to look at and had that certain something. But becoming a judge for the world's most popular reality show reeks of has-been. Jenn, we hardly knew ya.

4. George W. Bush Opens Miami International Book Fair
We were pissed about being ranked ninth dumbest city according to The Daily Beast "America's Smartest (and Dumbest) Cities" list, especially since Miami has one of the best book fairs in the entire country. But a $40 Dubya book signing to kick-start the 2010 festival proves we're way out of touch in the literary department.

5. $9.4 Million Pot Bust
In mid-June, Miami-Dade Police seized over 2,000 marijuana plants in a 24-hour sting operation. Did it stop us, ahem, anyone, from smoking a joint? No, but our weed connect had to charge $30/60 for a few weeks until he found another source.

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Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.