Texans vs. Dolphins Recap: A Tale of Two Halves

That Dolphins halftime speech must have been some kind of fire and brimstone sermon. Something along the lines of Henry V's Saint Crispen's Day address. The pre-game speech, meh, not so much. It was probably more along the lines of, "Okay men, we're gonna go out there and we're gonna pull down our pants, and we're gonna take a massive shit right on the field! Ready? Who's with me? Team on three! One-two-three TEAM!"

So how did the Dolphins manage to crap all over their playoff chances in their 27-20 loss to Houston yesterday? Let us count the ways:

1. There was a failure to adjust to uber-receiver Andre Johnson lining up in the slot on Houston's 4th and goal from the Miami 10. Everyone in the building knew Johnson was going to run a skinny-post into the endzone against an undersized Nate Jones. Everyone, except of course, the Dolphin defense. Result: Johnson scores a TD, giving the Texans a 10-0 start.

2. There was Ricky Williams' continuing insistence on giving the ball

to the other team. Chad Henne attempted a pass to Williams on a short

dump across the middle. The ball ricocheted off Williams' fingers.

Result: Houston's Brian Cushing makes the interception.

3. There was Lousaka Polite's tripping penalty late in the second half.

Result: A huge momentum swinging 60-yard touchdown pass from Henne to

Ted Ginn Jr. is negated.

4. There was the fact that the Dolphins defense let someone named Arian

Foster have a career day against them. Foster is Houston's

fourth-string running back. Result: Foster finished the game with 97

yards and a touchdown. Leave it to the Dolphins to make any opposing

practice squad player look like a future Hall of Famer.

5. There was the fact that they allowed 27 points in the first half. It

kinda makes it hard to win football games when you spot the other team

that many points, even when you come out and play much better in the

second half. Result: Ah fuck it, you get the point!

It was a tale of two halves - both good and crappy, but mostly crappy.

With the season on the line, and playoff hopes at stake, the Dolphins

up and decided it wanted to party like it was 2007 and got itself

trampled to the tune of 27 points in the first half alone, with the

defense laying down and giving up a whopping 307 total yards. Again,

this was all in the first half.

The second half featured a comeback attempt by Miami. But their

20-unanswered point-scoring spree was mostly a mixture of too little

too late and some bad calls by the officiating crew. But let's face it,

the refs didn't make the Dolphins give up 27 points or make them give

up over 400 total yards. To make things worse, thanks to their once

again delving into the fine art of supreme sucktitude, the Dolphins

have opened the door for the Jets to make the playoffs. Thaaaat's

right. Meanwhile, the Fins have to hope the Ravens, Jets, Jaguars and


all lose next week while they beat the Steelers. Here's hoping they

don't spot Pittsburgh three touchdowns to start the game, for starters.

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Chris Joseph