Here we go again, Dolphins fans, another season is upon us and you know what that means! Probably pain and suffering! But maybe not! Woo-hooo!?
Outsiders love to poke fun at Miami Marlins crowds and Miami Heat fans that arrive late, but few dare question Miami Dolphins fans loyalty. Dolphins fans are exempt from that narrative for good reason. Before the Miami Heat came around in 1988 the Dolphins were all this town had, so it makes sense that the fandom runs deeper, and their fans get the benefit of the doubt.
So how do you know if you're seasoned tried and true old school Miami Dolphins fan? Let's find out.
1. You still call it Joe Robbie Stadium, because you don't rename things all willy-nilly.
It may be
Pro Player Stadium Dolphins Stadium Land Shark Stadium Sun Life Stadium to some, but it will always be Joe Robbie Stadium to old school Dolphins fans. Oh, you're getting used to Sun Life are you? In 2015 the name will once again change, because just a year after Sun Life Financial signed on for the naming rights, they moved out of the United States completely, so it's doubtful they still need to pay to have their name on a stadium in Miami.
The life of a Jets fan summed up in one perfect picture pic.twitter.com/D1w9Yioxrm
— Sports Comedy (@SportsComedy_) August 8, 2014
2. No matter how many times the New England Patriots kick the Dolphins ass, you'll always hate the Jets so much more. So much more. Like a lot more.
Real Dolphins fans know the true primary enemy will always be the New York Jets. No matter how many times the Patriots win the Super Bowl, with their being all awesome and whatnot, the Jets always suck more. No matter what happens, no matter what name is on the back of those slime-green jerseys, true old school Dolphins fan will always despise the New York Jets more than any other team.
3. You believe the No. 19 is cursed, and any Dolphins player that wears it is doomed.
No Dolphins player since Bernie Kosar has worn No. 19 and succeeded, and it's no longer a coincidence, it's haunting. Doubt it if you want, but diehard Dolphins fans know that number's powers. From Ted Ginn to Brandon Marshall, anyone that puts on that No. 19 is toast. Armon Binns tested the theory last season when he signed with the Dolphins, and promptly tore up his knee, missing the entire season.
4. You remember The Dan Marino Show, and how damn cool it was.
Real O.G. Dolphins fans remember this Zubaz pants and Isotoner glove filled awesomeness. It was taped days before it aired but it didn't matter, because back then we didn't have Twitter to tell us every time a player farts, so it was must-see TV. This show felt more like a Miami Dolphins football game than today's actual Miami Dolphins games do.
5. You remember this logo, and you prefer it to the new Sea World looking garbage thing.
It wasn't pretty, and it looked like absolute shit on a hat, but it was cool to you at the time. Sure, the new logo looks better on a polo shirt, but it doesn't feel very Miami Dolphins, it feels more like you train dolphins for a living.
6. Don Shula makes you think Dolphins greatness, not just great hamburgers, or hospital commercials.
Don Shula coached 36 years and had two losing seasons. TWO! I'm not even completely sure how younger Dolphins fans wrap their heads around the fact that the winningest coach in NFL history coached their team. I'm sure it seems impossible. Nowadays Shula reminds you of your sweet grandpa, but old school Dolphins fans remember Shula wearing blue blockers, staring a hole into your soul through the TV like your pissed-off pops.
— Penny Fisher (@NDN_PFisher) August 15, 2014
7. Kim Bokamper is a person, not a place you get shit-faced and shovel nachos into your fat face.
Kim Bokamper is a man, not just the owner of the place your ex-girlfriend works at! Once upon a time Bokamper and the owner of another popular bar in South Florida, Bob Bruzinski, ran shit on the Dolphins defense. Now when you say "Bokamper" or "Bru's" most Dolphins fans think nine-dollar-Corona-buckets and chicken wings. If these two names bring you back to a better time in Dolphins history, and not just the time your friend puked and started a fight, then you're probably a old time Phins fan.
8. At one point in time this video wasn't embarrassing. Quite the opposite, actually.
Holy hell. I actually can't even remember how Dolphins fans watched this back in the day. There wasn't an Internet, much less YouTube. If you can remember this song and the clothes in it being cool, then congratulations, you're a real Dolphins fan. You're also old as balls, welcome to the club.
9. You can quote every line from Ace Ventura. Because you're a grown-ass adult and you understand what's important in life.
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective came out 20 years ago and it still holds up. True Dolphins fans watched this movie till the VHS tape didn't work anymore, and to this day still yell "Laces out, Dan!" randomly while watching a Phins game, which confuses the shit out of younger Dolphins fans I'm sure. Today's younger Dolphins fan is probably very familiar with the Crying Game, though.
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10. This, all of this video. If this is you, you're a long time Dolphins fan.