4

Take a Motorboat Ride and Save Some Breasts

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In my nocturnal travels, I've come across some very cool, easygoing, wonderful fellow Banana Republicans -- you know, us locals who can lay claim to being raised in Dade and are proud of it. 

One of these chums is Maria Teresa Goobs, a gregarious local porn magazine editor who is a household name at the weekly Shake party at the Vagabond. 

At a recent stormy soiree, as we smoked outside on the Vag's back patio, rain pelting us, Goobs relayed a tale that many women fear. Her doctor had found a lump in one of her breasts. "For a week, I was wigging out," she said. "My boobs are a big part of the whole Goobs legacy."

Thankfully, her bountiful rack is intact. Turns out Goobs's lump, which she named "Nadine" for posterity, was a fibroid. Nevertheless, the scare prompted Goobs to do her part to fight breast cancer. 

So on June 25, she will celebrate her birthday by raising money for the Susan G. Komen Foundation. But unlike other stuffy fundraisers, this one -- called Goobs for Boobs -- is gonna be fun, fun, fun.

Goobs and several lovely ladies from around Miami will be stationed at a "motorboat booth" that, as the party flyer states, "involves the assets we're raising awareness for." So, boys,  head over to Shake this Thursday night. Just make sure you bring stacks of dollar bills.

And if you need a primer on motorboating, let Vince Vaughn show you how it's done:

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