In my quest to become the commissioner of Surfside--the beach hamlet just south of the haughty nihilist province known as Bal Harbour-- I've run into a problem: A lot of the older residents don't want to open the door for me. Maybe it's only because I'm a relatively young man. Maybe it's the sparse creepiness of my election beard. My solution: Carry an oversized check and balloons, sweepstakes style.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
It worked. Everybody opened their doors for me on Friday-- except for my opponent Michelle Kligman, who I hoped to challenge to a debate. In a long afternoon of campaigning, I interviewed a tiny dog. A barber offered his vote if I got a haircut. (I turned him down, people.) And I walked out of the ocean completely dry.