Spurs Set NBA Record For First-Half Shooting While Demolishing Heat in Game Three

Julia Dale sang the National Anthem, the crowd chanted "Seven Nation Army," and fire shot into the sky as the players were introduced to ear-piercing applause. Everything was going according to plan, the NBA Finals were back in Miami, and the Heat's home was hype with excitement.

Then the San Antonio Spurs utterly murdered the Miami Heat behind a first quarter that belongs on a Faces of Death VHS tape. The Spurs unbuckled their pants from the opening tip, unleashing the wrath of a thousand cackling, evil-faced Skip Bayless suns upon Miami to the tune of 41 first-quarter points and 71 first-half points. The Spurs were shooting 90-plus percent at a point in the game when you had already seen 40 22 Jump Street commercials. That's a bad thing, and it's a record.

The Spurs looked like a team that was under the impression it was playing in an NHL Stanley Cup game seven overtime, shooting the ever-loving shit out of the ball all the way up until Manu Ginbobli's buzzer-beating, banked-in three ended the first quarter. No amount of seat- or shirt-changing could save you from the kraken that the Spurs brought to Miami Tuesday. All you could do was watch the crime unfold and hope your kids didn't see too much of it before you put them to bed.

So. Much. Blood.

The only positive thing that Heat fans can look to after this ass-kicking is the fact that last year the Spurs beat the Heat 113-77 in game three, but I'm not much of a believer when it comes to relying on things that happened a year ago. In reality, the only thing you can take from a game like this is the old "it only counts as one win" saying, because everything else is just reaching.

The Spurs have already done what they came to do in Miami. All the Heat can do is even things up Thursday, putting them in a best-of-three series. Win Thursday, and your team needs two of three to three-peat. If I told you that was the scenario back in October for this team, I bet you'd take it in a heartbeat. Bottom line is, you have to go back an entire year to find an example of a time the Miami Heat overcame this sort of situation against this exact team.

The Heat has a chance to right the ship Thursday night, and they better. The good news is Miami has won 13 straight games following a loss in the playoffs. Prepare to hear that stat roughly a thousand times leading up to tomorrow night's game.

Game four starts at 9 p.m. Thursday at AmericanAirlines Arena. The Spurs lead the finals 2-1.

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Ryan Yousefi is a freelance writer for Miami New Times, a lover of sports, and an expert consumer of craft beer and pho. Hanley Ramirez once stole a baseball from him and to this day still owes him $10.