Soon Dolphins and Marlins Games Will Remind You Of Horrible Music and Corona Ripoffs

Take a seat, PetCo Park. Nice knowing you U.S. Cellular Field. Farewell, Citi (Taxpayer Bailout) Field. Very soon, a new champion for the worst corporate named stadium in the land shall be crowned right here in South Florida, at the venue previously known quite logically and respectably as Dolphin Stadium...

By Tim Elfrink

May 1, 2009

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Take a seat, PetCo Park. Nice knowing you U.S. Cellular Field. Farewell, Citi (Taxpayer Bailout) Field.

Very soon, a new champion for the worst corporate named stadium in the land shall be crowned right here in South Florida, at the venue previously known quite logically and respectably as Dolphin Stadium.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to: Land Shark Stadium.

WHY? WHY MUST YOU DESTROY ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY IN SOUTH FLORIDA, JIMMY BUFFETT?

Sorry. Deep breaths. It's just that those of us here at Riptide like going to Marlins games without thinking about "Margaritaville" and the god-awful Corona-ripoff brew that will apparently soon be our baseball corporate overlords.

The Marlins haven't made this deal official yet, but we just got an invite to an "exclusive live music performance and media announcement for a major unveiling on behalf of Dolphin Stadium" featuring Jimmy Buffett on May 8th.

So we're going to take that as proof that this is a done deal. And also that God does not exist.

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Tim Elfrink is a former investigative reporter and managing editor for Miami New Times. He has won the George Polk Award and was a finalist for the Goldsmith Prize for Investigative Reporting.

Contact: Tim Elfrink

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Twitter: @timelfrinkmia