"If you call a tail a leg, then how many legs does a cow have? Four, because calling a tail a leg doesn't make it one."
No, this is not the terrible opening joke to the trial of George Zimmerman. Instead, this is the equally terrible analogy (actually an Abraham Lincoln quote) used by the Archdiocese of Miami in response to news that the Supreme Court had overturned the homophobic Defense of Marriage Act.
But don't worry, Miami. There was plenty of positive local reaction to the news that the nation -- if not yet the state of Florida -- is on its way to equality.
Today, the Archdiocese re-released Archbishop Thomas Wenski's April 23 statements, which began with his pathetic misappropriation of Lincoln -- a president known as the father of equality. Wenski then went on to argue "that the state recognizes and favors the marriage of one man and one woman as a natural fact rooted in procreation and sexual difference is in no way unjust to homosexual couples, any more than it is unjust to heterosexual couples who cohabitate without the legal benefits and protections of a civil marriage."
Except that the cohabitating man and woman can get married at any time and be recognized by state and country. Gays can't. That's the problem.
"For millennia, marriage between one man and one woman has been promoting what the social scientists call "kin altruism"; in other words, it's about what's best for children. Only in the marriage of a man and a woman can "two become one flesh" (cf. Gen 2:24) and thus create a conjugal society -- or family -- which provides that the individuals who give life to children should be the ones to raise them in a bonded and enduring relationship.
The push for so called same sex marriage, if it prevails, will fundamentally change this -- and in doing so will open a Pandora's box of unforeseen and, to be sure, unintended consequences -- as the more permissive no-fault divorce legislation did some 40 years ago. Rather than see the institution of marriage as expressive of the complementarily of sexual difference between a man and a woman ordered for the raising of children, the proponents of so-called same sex marriage would now redefine marriage for all as existing solely for the gratification of two (and why just two?) consenting adults.
Thankfully, the Archdiocese's nonsensical response to the SCOTUS decision isn't the only comment coming out of South Florida.
Representative Ileana Ros-Lehtinen, the first Republican to sign onto the NOH8 campaign, tweeted out her joy:
— Ileana Ros-Lehtinen (@RosLehtinen) June 26, 2013
Ex-rep Allen West, meanwhile, had this to say:
V. concerned spec intrst grps can overrule demo process. Let states decide. Fed Govt shouldn't leg. sexual behavior. Bware judicial activism
— Allen West (@AllenWest) June 26, 2013
But like Wenski, West makes no sense. DOMA was a federal law. And when it comes to Proposition 8 -- California's state ban on gay marriage -- the Supreme Court decided it on technical grounds, ruling that it wasn't properly before the court. That left in place a trial court victory for same-sex couples seeking to marry. So, in a sense, local government won out. Not Big Brother.
Here are a few more reactions. Long time Miami Beach resident Ricky Martin got personal:
— Ricky Martin (@ricky_martin) June 26, 2013
Our sister paper LA Weekly welcomed back equality:
— L.A. Weekly (@LAWeekly) June 26, 2013
And even the President chimed in:
— Washington Post (@washingtonpost) June 26, 2013