Are you a faithful member of the Tea Party? Are you worried that your kids, little Ronnie and Reagan, aren't fully committed to your political cause? Well, why not have them stay with a relative in Tampa for a week to attend a Tea Party summer camp where they can learn the value of the gold standards and the evils of socialism through fun activities involving candy and bubbles?
Yes, members of the Tampa 9/12 Project (a chapter of the Tea Party-affiliated grassroots group started by Glenn Beck) will hold the Tampa Liberty School July 11 through 15.
What fun projects will your kiddos get to partake of? Well, the St. Pete Times makes it sound like a real hoot:
Starting in an austere room where they are made to sit quietly, symbolizing Europe, the children will pass through an obstacle course to arrive at a brightly decorated party room (the New World).
Red-white-and-blue confetti will be thrown. But afterward the kids will have to clean up the confetti, learning that with freedom comes responsibility.
"We want to introduce a younger generation to economics and history, but in a fun way," Tampa 9/12 Project chairwoman Karen Jaroch says.
Yeah, nothing sounds more fun than picking up confetti, but the wholesome childhood pleasures don't stop there. Kids will also learn about socialism -- through bubbles:
Children will blow bubbles from a single container of soapy solution, and then pop each other's bubbles with squirt guns in an arrangement that mimics socialism. They are to count how many bubbles they pop. Then they will work with individual bottles of solution and pop their own bubbles.
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Sounds like a grande ol' time that will provide memories the children will cherish for the rest of their lives, and not at all the kind of thing that will make these kids resent their parents and their wacky beliefs.
No word on whether the youngsters will also make misspelled protest signs out of macaroni and glitter or take a class on how to spot birth certificate forgeries.
The class has room for only 40 little patriots, so hurry up and make sure you can get your kids to Tampa for that week. Don't miss out on this opportunity to scar them for life.