Inaugural parades are a time-honored American tradition, a treasured moment when fat corporate cats and scummy developers can make millions of dollars rain on a newly elected governor, all so he can throw a masturbatory party celebrating what a swell guy he is. So why is South Florida getting shut out of Rick Scott's big day?
Scott just released his list of 70 entries in his inaugural parade and Miami and Broward marching bands, clowns and honor guards alike were pretty well shut out (we did get two cars, including a NASCAR float). But it turns out we probably should be grateful for the snub -- and not just because Rick Scott is a turd.
Scott has already raked in nearly $2 million for his party, including some huge gifts -- like $25,000 from Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Florida -- from big businesses with big-time financial stakes in his administration's plans.
Scott says the fundraising helps spare taxpayers another expense, but watchdogs aren't so sure."Corporations are only giving the money for one purpose, and the purpose is access," Bob Edgar of Common Cause tells USA Today.
Yet even with all that cash Scott, has told parade participants that they're on the hook for the expense of getting to Tally for the festivities and staying the night.
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That means the cash-strapped Collier County School District, for one, will be ponying up more than $100,000 in taxpayer cash to send several Naples-area high school bands to the parade.
But hey! Rick Scott is buying all of them lunch once they get to town.
So in hindsight, we'd like to thank Gov. Scott for passing over Miami-Dade's many fine marching bands and flag corps in favor of such luminaries as "Coocoo the Clown of Tallahassee" (wait, isn't that David Rivera's stage name?).