PETA Wants Robotic Fish Behind Marlins Home Plate

Last week, the Florida Marlins announced plans to install saltwater aquariums behind home plate in their under-construction stadium in Miami. Well, PETA, an organization that now seemingly exists only to release stupid press releases and dumb letters about animal things (seriously, what the hell is this?), wrote an inane letter asking the Marlins to scrap the plans, according to the Miami Herald

Apparently the loud crowd noise and confined swimming space would be too stressful for the fish. 

"Being exposed to the loud crowds, bright lights, and reverberations of a baseball stadium would be stressful and maddening for any large animals held captive in tanks that, to them, are like bathtubs,'' PETA executive vice president Tracy Reiman wrote in the letter.

Instead, PETA offers lame alternatives to the Marlins' already kind of lame aquarium plan. 

PETA's brilliant ideas: 

  • "artist-designed aquariums full of beautiful blown-glass animals." (No one call Britto.) 
  • "high-definition plasma screens showing underwater footage of sea animals." 
  • "robotic fish that can 'swim' through water."

This is a sports stadium, not the lobby of a Bahamian luxury resort. As far as we're concerned, unless the Marlins can find a shark that can reliably hit homers, there shouldn't be any aquariums near home plate, let alone fake ones. 

The Marlins front office, for its part, promises the aquarium fish will be well-cared-for.

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