Pepe Billete's Top Five Reasons The Miami Heat Will Win The NBA Title

Oye, Guanabacoa's most famous resident since Rick Sanchez is guaranteeing the Miami Heat will pick up its second Larry O'Brian O'Brien trophy in the NBA Finals.

In his latest YouTube video, Pepe Billete explains why the Dallas Mavericks suck ass while partaking in one of his favorite past times. We've loosely translated his five reasons:

5. The Three Kings: Guade (Dwayne Wade), LeBronsito, and el Bosh.

4. El Trensu, AKA Udonis Haslem, who apparently is a Cuban who came on the same boat that brought over Pepe during El Mariel.

3. The Mavericks are named after Tom Cruise, who is a weirdo.

2. Dallas point guard Jason Kidd is too old (so old his nuts drag on the floor), shooting guard JJ Barrea is too short and a Puerto Rican who is easily distracted by rum and hos, and forward Dirk Nowitzki's grandparents are most likely World War II war criminals.

1. To spite the Heat haters, especially Charles Barkley, who is as fat as an onion.

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