Best of Miami

Pacers Outlast Heat 99-92, Even Series 2-2

The Indiana Pacers beat the Heat Tuesday night 99-92 in a game that provided Heat fans with enough testicular torsion to last a lifetime. With the Spurs already in the clubhouse, the NBA sent Joey Crawford his Verne Troyer penis-looking face out to throw his entire bag of fouls onto the Heat's ball sack. In total, 30 fouls were called on the Heat, including 21 on the starting five, none more important than the sixth on LeBron James with under 57 seconds to play in a close game.

The Pacers were led by Roy Hibbert who scored 23 and pulled down 12 boards, mostly on skee ball shots and dunks. On at least three occasions, a layup resulted off a badly missed shot that fell directly into Hibbert's ginormous hands as he was crashing to the rim. Lance Stephenson dropped in 20, while George Hill scored 19. I hate everything.

It truly was an embarrassing effort by the officials in Game Four. In total, 65 fouls were called and 60 free throws were taken, resulting in a three hour game. Review after review, missed call after missed call, not two minutes went by where Joey Crawford was unheard from. This isn't a reputation. This isn't a Heat fan thing. This is reality. Joey Crawford is plain and simple there to make it about him, everyone knows it, and it's really a shame.

To be fair, the Heat didn't do themselves any favors shooting like Orangutan shit all night long. They finished 39 percent from the field, while Wade and Bosh combined to go 6-21 for 23 points, including 12 on free throws. Inexplicably Mario Chalmers had his quartlerly (yearly that is, not like, literally every quarter) Mario Chalmers game while the rest of the Miami Heat shot like they had a diaper on their head. Chalmers finished with 20 points and and no turnovers. Like everyone else including your Dad, he also ended up with five fouls, so he was forced to sit a crucial stretch, and by stretch I mean the Heat's ass with a Pacers foot going into it.

Now that we have covered the bad, we can focus on the good. Miami came to Indiana and took back home court advantage, making it a best-of-three series with two of those remaining games in Miami. The Heat haven't lost back-to-back games in over four months, and they always seem to bounce back with the quickness especially well in the playoffs. Game Five is total fuck or walk time.

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Ryan Yousefi is a freelance writer for Miami New Times, a lover of sports, and an expert consumer of craft beer and pho. Hanley Ramirez once stole a baseball from him and to this day still owes him $10.

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