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- A Miami-Dade bus driver allegedly hits a bicyclist on Collins Ave., keeps on going, intimidates passengers who ask him to stop, and is put on paid leave. Thankfully the bicyclist suffered only minor injuries. [WSVN]
- Here is your official Olympic MILF calendar from Dara Torres. MILF meaning “Mother I’d Like to Freestyle-with-in-the-pool-so-I-can-experience-the-thrill-of-competing-with-an-Olympic-athlete.” [SunSent]
- An alleged psychic allegedly stole sixty-five thousand alleged dollars from five alleged women. [CBS4]
- Will Smith loves Miami so much he wants to take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant. [Herald]
- Some Obama supporters have chartered a cruise ship to take them to the inauguration because, uh, this is what politics is in this country. [Herald]
- A man is stabbed in Little Havana, and police are looking for the killer. [CBS4]
- The leader of the Dems in Florida’s House was a victim of the Madoff madness. [CBS4]
- Here is your obligatory, yearly Festivus story. It is some holiday for Quakers or Universalists or followers of the Reformed Quirkist Church of America or something. [Herald]
- As the economy continues to be a general bummer, more and more Americans are dropping their pets off at the pound, which gives us sad, sad pound puppy eyes. [NBC6]
- …and twins! No serious CBS4 anchor Shannon Hori delivered two twin boys named Colt and Cade, so congrats to her. [Herald]
