Humor

Naked Man Enters Yard, Chokes Dog, Bites Homeowner Before Being Shot and Arrested UPDATED

Last year Florida witnessed some crazy sh*t, most famously "Miami Zombie" Rudy Eugene tearing the face off of Ronald Poppo before dying in a flurry of bullets.

Well, 2013 isn't starting out any more sane.

A naked burglar was arrested this morning after allegedly breaking into a yard in Little Haiti, choking a dog, and biting the house's resident. The home-dweller then shot the invader in the leg and wrestled him to the ground until cops could arrive.


Update: The naked assailant has been identified as Jeffrey Delice, 20. And yes, the dog did survive the attack.


According police, residents along Northwest 56th Street awoke around 5 a.m. this morning to the sounds of a barking dog.

When a resident of 175 NW 56th Street -- a small pink house next to a church that records show is owned by Aaron and Virginia Brown -- grabbed his gun and went outside, he saw a naked man choking his dog.

But when the resident tried to stop the assault, the man "jumped on him and began chocking [sic] and biting him," according to a police report.

The resident then squeezed off two rounds at the intruder, hitting the man in the leg, before his gun jammed.

Even after getting shot, however, the intruder kept fighting ferociously. The home-dweller managed to wrestle him to the ground until cops arrived. As several police officers arrested the snarling man, he tried to the cops.

The as yet unidentified black male suspect is under arrest and in stable condition at Jackson Memorial Hospital.

Naked? Check. Biting? Check. Superhuman strength to fight through bullets? Check.

This one has bath salts written all over it. Although "Miami Werewolf" is also a distinct possibility.

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Michael E. Miller was a staff writer at Miami New Times for five years. His work for New Times won many national awards, including back-to-back-to-back Sigma Delta Chi medallions. He now covers local enterprise for the Washington Post.