Mugshots Friday: Every Friday is Sweet Beard Appreciation Day

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.

Arrested: 6/14

Charged with: Aggravated battery

Talk about old school, and not in some lame ironic way. This guy's clearly got a fearsome roundhouse. He probably literally lost his shirt betting on bull-baiting. Why do we get the feeling he chugs pickle juice to coat his insides so that he can slowly drain a gallon of rye to keep him warm during a shift on the docks?

Arrested: 6/14

Charged with: Possession of cocaine with intent to distribute

If you instantly thought Avatar instead of Fern Gully, you're too young to be reading this and you should go, like, masturbate on Friendster or something.

Arrested: 6/11

Charged with: Organized fraud, obtaining property by impersonation, fraudulent use of an ID, grand theft, marijuana possession

Does this mean that somewhere out there, a guy who actually drives a Bentley has a Hyundai logo on his Adam's apple?

Arrested: 6/12

Charged with: Loitering or prowling, resisting officer with violence, aggravated battery with a deadly weapon on a police officer

This is who we become when we drink brown liquor. (Still want us to come to your partay?)

Arrested: 6/14

Charged with: Disorderly intoxication, resisting an officer with violence, battery on a law enforcement officer

This is who we are the morning after drinking said brown liquor.

Arrested: 6/11

Charged with: Disorderly conduct

You know how Russell Brand, instead of just being a fucking comedian, has this whole annoying persona of like a pseudo-rock star/ drug addict and is annoying? Well this guy shits in Russell Brand's mouth.

Arrested: 6/9

Charged with: Possession of cannabis

We are aware that Mugshots Friday is in danger of becoming a Sweet Beard Appreciation Series. That's a risk we're willing to take.

Arrested: 6/11

Charged with: Lewd/lascivious battery on a child aged 12-16

We're starting to see some of the same perps multiple times. We get irrationally angry at them, like they're clogging up our mugshot traffic. Then we realize that we're probably the only people rooting for these people to straighten up, and we get solemn and eat yogurt and swear that we're going to do something to make the world better. (Spoiler: Then we don't.)

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Gus Garcia-Roberts