Audio By Carbonatix
Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.
Arrested: 2/07
Charges: Cocaine Possesion
If you’re going to try and convince people you have money by getting a $100 bill tattooed on your neck that tattoo better look like it cost more than $5.
Arrested: 2/08
Charges: Battery
“Your honor, my client stands accused of battery, but how can you accuse a woman of trying to beat someone’s ass when she didn’t even take her earrings off in the first place? If the hoops did not come off, then the fight was never on.”
Arrested: 2/10
Charges: Insurance Fraud, Organized Fraud, Grant Theft
Are we surprised a man with a combover was charged with fraud?
Arrested: 2/11
Charges: Carrying a Concealed Firearm
Getting your eyelids tattooed seems like a badass idea until you realize it makes your look like you’re permanently wearing a fetching shade of eye shadow.
Arrested: 2/10
Charges: Battery
Are popped collars back? Please tell us popped collars are not back.
Arrested: 2/10
Charges: Possession of a Firearm by a Convicted Fellon, Grand Theft 3rd Degree
We can’t make out any part of this neck tattoo aside from “500 degrees,” so we’re just going to assume it’s a prime rib recipe.
Arrested: 2/08
Charges: Aggravated Battery
Just Girls Things: When you get arrested for a violent crime, cry your eye mascara off, but flash that perfect smile in your mugshot anyway.
Arrested: 2/05
Charges: Aggravated Assault with a Deadly Weapon
“The bail is too damn high!”
Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.
