From cat killers to back-alley plastic surgeons, the criminals in our fair city make the hustlers of Detroit and Atlanta look, well, not very creative. A couple of months ago, Riptide brought you the story of Roller Thief, the strung-out rollerblading car burglar turned real-life Reno 911 sketch. He broke into three cars and stole a couple of lo-fi rock CDs before a group of musicians pulled a citizens' arrest on his ass. Making fun of him was endlessly pleasurable.
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In response to these trying times, some have turned to spirituality. Unfortunately there is growing evidence this includes Biscayne Corridor punks. A Buddha statue turned up missing from a woman's front porch. The principal suspect was a blond guy on rollerblades (yuppie scum?), whom neighbors had observed skating up and down the street while seeming to check out people's homes. Residents are advised to be on the lookout for a serene blond on little wheels. And while you're at it, maybe you should bring in Jesus from the front yard.
BT doesn't print names of criminals -- what's up with that? -- but Riptide likes to imagine there's a whole gang of bandits in midtown who travel only by 'blades. In Miami, it wouldn't even be strange.