Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke ranks the most beautiful women on local television news.
If you go to Dallas, Atlanta, New York, or any other major city, the TV reporters look like a zombified Walter Cronkite who just stumbled out of the cemetery. But Miami's TV stations employ the hottest women in America to deliver the weather reports, news about traffic jams on I-95, and crazy stories that can happen only here.
Our reporters are stunningly gorgeous, highly intelligent, and captivatingly personable. They go on camera dressed as if they were headed out for a night at LIV. While obviously their reporting is the ultimate measure of what they do, TV is often less about the news than the aesthetics.
So for the past week, I've been on an important mission to find the most beautiful female TV reporters in the Magic City. To help narrow the field, I conducted a Twitter poll, and my followers did not disappoint.
Here are my top ten:
10. Vivian Gonzalez, WSVN meteorologist: The 29-year-old Cuban American is living proof that Miami has the most beautiful women in the world. Vivian is a golden catch.
9. Kelly Blanco, NBC Miami reporter: This young lady has a smile that will have any man eating out of her hand.
8. Rhiannon Ally, CBS 4 morning show host: She's a Kansas City beauty with a wide smile and a bubbly personality. A dose of Rhiannon is stronger than a Cuban colada.
7. Julie Durda, Local 10 meteorologist: This Sacramento native has men California-dreaming. Even during scary thunderstorms, she'll brighten your day with her intense attractiveness.
6. Marjorie "MJ" Acosta, Local 10 reporter: Marjorie is an exotic, mesmerizing beauty queen.
5. Constance Jones, Local 10 reporter: This hard-bodied, award-winning journalist's radiance and accurate traffic reports soothe you before the morning rush-hour commute.
4. Vanessa Borge, CBS 4 reporter: A Miami native with the most radiant smile on local television, Vanessa will knock you out with her beauty and her brains.
3. Stephanie Severino, Univision 23 meteorologist: Stephanie has so many curves she will make any man run off the road. She complements her intense beauty with an immense passion for TV journalism.
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2. Summer Knowles, CBS 4 news anchor: Hotter than a humid Miami afternoon in July, she has dudes rushing out of bed to watch her co-anchor weekday-morning newscasts.
1. Denise Isaac, Telemundo 51 meteorologist: This Emmy-nominated Panamanian beauty makes makes you want brush up on your Spanish.
Note: A researcher's error led to Vivian Gonzalez being incorrectly identified. The former San Francisco 49ers' cheerleader is Julie Durda.
Follow Luke on Twitter: @unclelukereal1