Mascots have somehow been grandfathered in as normal in sports, but many of them closely toe the line between absolute horror show and lovable knockoff Disney character. Locally, we have quite a few that are pushing the envelop of creepiness. We love them, but even the biggest fans have to admit they're nightmare fuel.
Here's a definitive ranking of the creepiest local mascots. Please keep your distance, kids.
It's as if being the Marlins' mascot was initially part of Billy's court-ordered probation, but he grew to like it and the Marlins decided to hire him full-time. Beyond all the creepiness is the fact that Billy legit has a murder weapon on his face. His nose is just right there hovering over you, waiting, daring you to get on his bad side.
Billy the Marlin is far and away the creepiest mascot in South Florida.
To fully appreciate how creepy it is that T.D. is wearing thigh pads, you need to picture him putting on thigh pads every Sunday before he puts on a dolphin head. A psychopath is among your children. He should be tracked by an app and an ankle monitor for this behavior. Run, don't walk, to the exits.
man-bird who was once detained by police for plotting to commit animal cruelty and/or assault on a man dressed as a Native American. Somehow none of this is made up.
Sebastian the Ibis doesn't give a single crap about eyebrow maintenance. It's all about the U.
At a glance, Stanley C. Panther is adorable, but it's when you stare him in the eyes for longer than ten seconds that you begin to reach for your keys and plan an escape route.
5. Miami Heat's "Burnie." Burnie is an eternally burning flame with a basketball nose. Makes sense! Truthfully, Burnie isn't all that creepy. He's fun like a funny drunk uncle. Burnie is also unpredictable like a drunk uncle, so you have to keep your eyes on him, or next thing you know he's filling your car with stadium popcorn just to get a laugh.
Of all the most popular mascots in South Florida, Burnie is probably the most lovable. There's a certain mysteriousness to him that makes us leery of fully trusting him, though. We're watching you, Burnie.