Miami Man Wins $1 Billion in Imaginary Money from Che and Fidel

Gustavo Villoldo, an ex-CIA operative who claims to have personally buried Che Guevara, was awarded a settlement today of $1 billion from Guevara and Fidel Castro by Miami-Dade Judge Peter Adrian. Villoldo claims that the pair was personally responsible for his father's suicide. It's the largest civil judgment against the Cuban government. 


Villoldo's father owned a GE distributorship on the island which became a main target of the duo when they decided to whip any remnant of capitalism from the island. Three weeks after he was notified his business would be seized in 1959 he downed a bottle of sleeping pills in order to commit suicide. 

Of course, Villoldo has little hope of actually collecting the money. Then there's the question of whether or not he should actually deserve $1 billion. Considering millions of people have been effected by the failed Castro regime (do they all deserve $1 billion?), and no one forced Villoldo's father to swallow the pills. 

Fidel and Che's economic policies are undoubtedly wrong, if not evil, but if we started awarding billions of dollars to the families of suicide victims spurred by crappy economic policies, who would pay for all those Wall Street suicides


KEEP MIAMI NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Kyle Munzenrieder