Miami Heat's Ineptitude in the Clutch, as Set to Soulja Boy

The good news is, since their infamous crying episode over the weekend, we finally have found a nickname for the revamped Miami Heat.

The bad news is we're beginning to wonder whether these John Boehner Boys will ever win a game again.

The problem, as evidenced in last night's nine-point loss to the Portland Trailblazers, is that the Heat turn into beached jellyfish at the end of games. And as some sarcastic bastard on YouTube aptly depicts in the video embedded below, the Big Three can't hit a clutch shot to save their Maybachs.

From the colleague, a rabid Heat-hater living in Seattle, who sent it to us: "The stupidest thing -- and that's saying a lot -- these clowns did was have that smoke machine party before any of them played a single minute of even scrimmage ball."

We do kind of cringe at the footage of the celebration at the beginning of this video. But like all premature smoke machine parties, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

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Gus Garcia-Roberts