| Sports |

Miami Heat's Ineptitude in the Clutch, as Set to Soulja Boy

Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Miami and help keep the future of New Times free.

The good news is, since their infamous crying episode over the weekend, we finally have found a nickname for the revamped Miami Heat.

The bad news is we're beginning to wonder whether these John Boehner Boys will ever win a game again.

The problem, as evidenced in last night's nine-point loss to the Portland Trailblazers, is that the Heat turn into beached jellyfish at the end of games. And as some sarcastic bastard on YouTube aptly depicts in the video embedded below, the Big Three can't hit a clutch shot to save their Maybachs.

From the colleague, a rabid Heat-hater living in Seattle, who sent it to us: "The stupidest thing -- and that's saying a lot -- these clowns did was have that smoke machine party before any of them played a single minute of even scrimmage ball."

We do kind of cringe at the footage of the celebration at the beginning of this video. But like all premature smoke machine parties, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.

Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.