Miami Dolphins Win: Turns Out All That Trash Talking Will Get You a Nice Little Beatdown

Coming into yesterday's rematch in the Meadowlands, Jets players called the Miami Dolphins a gimmicky team, called their Wildcat formation "nonsense," and called Chad Henne a clown. They said they couldn't wait to play Miami again, claimed they were the better team and threatened to take out Henne. DE Shaun Ellis sarcastically noted how the Fins acted as if they had won the Super Bowl when they scored the game-winning touchdown in that first meeting three weeks ago (and yet their quarterback feels the need to run around screaming, jumping, and generally acting like a monumental tool after every touchdown the Jets score. Seriously. Look at the tape. Is there anything more ri-douche-ulous than Mark Sanchez's touchdown celebrations?) This even after having their asses handed to them before the entire NFL-watching world on Monday Night Football three weeks ago. So, it seemed as if the big bad trash-talkin' Jets, an obnoxious reflection of their insufferable head coach, were ripe for yet another heaping slice of Shut the Fuck Up, served up courtesy of a Miami Dolphins 30-25 victory. With so much awesome packed into one game, we condense it to three key factors:

1. The Ted Ginn Jr. Redemption: It didn't start off so hot for Ted Ginn. He was demoted in favor of a rookie before kickoff, was almost called for blocking in the back during a crucial drive, and was run down by the Jets kicker during a return early in the game. We bashed him. Reviled him. Told him he'd make better use of his time by swimming to Cuba and disposing of the Castro regime. We were all lined up with our torches and pitchforks, ready to run him out of town. Yet Ginn and his rocks-for-hands told us all to go suck a bag of dicks by running back not one, but two kickoff returns for touchdowns, almost single-handedly defeating New York. Ginn -- whose returns were for 100 and 101 yards -- became the first NFL player since 1967 to return two kickoffs for TDs in the same quarter. Zero catches, zero yards, two very big plays. The man cannot catch a football for the life of him, and he runs routes as if he were being chased by a bee, but the man can flat-out fly. And that's all we can ask of him. We're sorry, Ted Ginn Jr. All is forgiven (until, of course, you drop another pass during a key moment).

2. Put. That. Coffee. Down: Coffee is for closers, and the Dolphins have

not been able to close teams out this season, particularly in the

fourth quarter. It's been a troubling trend all season long, which

explains their 2-4 record prior to Sunday's matchup. In this game

alone, the Fins saw three separate 11-point leads wiped out. Going into

the waning seconds of this game, it looked as if the defense would

again let things slip away. The Jets had the ball on the Miami eight-yard

line. On third and six and the game on the line, Randy Starks came flying

through the left side and walloped Mark Sanchez for a seven-yard loss.

The next play resulted in Sanchez overthrowing his intended target and

turning the ball over on downs, sealing the Miami win. Randy Starks

eats Mexicans and craps thunder. He also knows how to close.

3. Calvin Pace Thinks Kickoff Returns for TDs Are Nonsense, Also Thinks

Steroids Are Delicious: They're a classy bunch of guys, aren't they?

Calvin Pace, Bart Scott, Shaun Ellis, Derrelle Revis -- all failed to

show any kind of humility or grace in the face of a loss three weeks

ago. Even after yesterday's beatdown, Scott made sarcastic

comments about the Dolphins offense. Ryan failed to give any credit to

Miami, chalking up the loss to some kind of bizarre Twilight Zone-like

phenomenon rather than, you know, because perhaps his team isn't the

better one after all. Revis told the Daily News last week: "We feel we're the better team. Up and down -- special teams,

offense, defense."

Yet the Dolphins beat New York using their offense three weeks ago and

then beat them using defense and special teams yesterday, taking the

season series 2-0 and winning the last three matchups against New York.

So, to recap: The Dolphins are the better team. Calvin Pace, Bart

Scott, Shaun Ellis, and Derrelle Revis are morons. And Rex Ryan can suck


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Chris Joseph