Carson Wentz (Plus a Win Over the Jets) Can Send the Miami Dolphins to the Playoffs

The Miami Dolphins were treated to a small (and slightly late) Christmas miracle as the team watched the New York Giants beat the Indianapolis Colts 45-33 in the 1:00 p.m. slate of games, allowing the team and its fans to enter the season's final week with something to play for.

Still feeling in the holiday spirit, the Dolphins traded their offseason vacation reservations for one more week of meaningful football by doing their part in keeping their season alive in a 20-3 win over the hapless Cleveland Browns.

The victory means the annual tradition for Dolphins fans continues: Just when you think you're out, the Miami Dolphins pull you back in. Close. Very close. For one final knee to the crotch and a kiss on the top of the head, goodbye.

And while things might be different this time, the nature of their win over the Browns certainly wasn't very convincing. Still, ESPN pins the Dolphins with a 25 percent chance of making the playoffs, so we'll endure the pain one more week. (The Athletic says 16 percent, if you're a pessimist.)

HALFTIME:

Dolphins 6, Browns 3

Dolphins had 158 yards of offense, 65 yards of penalties

— Adam Beasley (@AdamHBeasley) December 29, 2024

Beating the Browns

As one might expect, things weren't pretty with Dolphins starting quarterback Tua Tagovailoa out with a hip injury.

For the first 30 minutes, Miami was a lethargic, penalty-committing, diaper-filling mess led by backup quarterback Tyler "Snoop" Huntley. The Dolphins moved 158 yards on offense and gave back 65 in yellow flags. Luckily for them, they were playing the Cleveland Browns, a three-win football team with one of the most anonymous rosters you'll ever see.

But hey — if your kink is watching two lousy football teams try to covert third and 27s, experiencing the Phins' 6-3 first-half lead over the Browns was borderline erotic.

Tyler Huntley takes it in himself! TD @MiamiDolphins 🙌

📺: #MIAvsCLE on CBS/Paramount+
📱: https://t.co/waVpO909ge pic.twitter.com/dV8R5c5JJx

— NFL (@NFL) December 29, 2024

The good news? After a quick three-and-out Browns possession to begin the second half, Miami came out with their big-boy pants on, ending a pleasant drive with a 13-yard Tyler Huntley touchdown run that put them up 13-3, a lead that counts as "comfortable" against Cleveland.

Little else transpired (it was that sort of game). But hey, the Dolphins, now 8-8, will take it!

This man controls the destiny of 4 nfl franchises. Well well well suckers pic.twitter.com/4JBa6yhCud

— Carson Wentz Burner (@CHADHENNEGOAT) December 29, 2024

What Does It Mean?

Are you a Dolphins fan? If you answered yes to that question, then you — yes, you — are now a huge Kansas City Chiefs fan. Well, you're a super-niche-specific kind of Chiefs fan. The kind that only roots for backup quarterback Carson Wentz and the rest of the KC's second unit, specifically in the season's final week when a victory over the Denver Broncos would propel Miami to the playoffs.

Miami now travels to New Jersey to face the hilariously putrid 4-12 Aaron Rodgers and the New York Jets, who are coming off a 40-14 loss to the Buffalo Bills. A win, plus a win by the back-to-back defending Super Bowl champion backups, equals a Dolphins playoff berth, where we can only assume someone will kick their entire ass, as is now franchise tradition.

Chiefs-Broncos also 4:25 p.m, on CBS. Fins need win and KC win to make playoffs, as you know... Minnesota-Detroit is Sunday night season finale. https://t.co/TYdw53CQ9a

— Barry Jackson (@flasportsbuzz) December 30, 2024

Both games kick off next Sunday, January 5, at 4:25 p.m. If Carson Wentz and the Dolphins win next weekend, the Dolphins will make the playoffs.

Happy New Year, Dolphins fans. You've got your first meaningful football game of the year to look forward to.