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Fat-Guy Touchdowns, Onside Kicks, and Hail Marys: Dolphins Win One of the Weirdest Games in NFL History

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When two horrendous NFL teams play each other the weekend before Christmas, it's less about the score and more about finding the bright spots. That's what you would expect at least. For the Miami Dolphins, this past Sunday's game against the one-win Cincinnati Bengals was mainly about one huge bright spot: a fat-guy touchdown.

Fat-guy touchdowns: They're like puppies — they make everything, even meaningless football games, better. Everybody loves it when a fat guy flourishes.

However, plot twist: Nobody needed a fat-guy touchdown to enjoy this football game between two bad teams. It was the weirdest 38-35 overtime thriller the Dolphins somehow won. It had the butterflies fluttering in Dolphins and Bengals fans' stomachs for the entire 70 minutes. It was a true nail biter between teams with a combined four wins entering the contest.

We can understand if this confused those of you who missed the action owing to last-minute holiday shopping. We promise we're not making this up — there's video evidence!

Early in the first quarter of the Dolphins' wild win, Miami was looking to cap a nice opening 11-play, six-plus-minute drive with an exclamation point. They needed something that would set the tone in a rare game they entered as actual favorites. Enter a very round, 315-pound glass goblet of water: rookie defensive lineman Christian Wilkins. Yes, on offense — and, no, not to block, but to do some circusy fat-guy-in-a-tutu-stuff that somehow didn't end in disaster but rather jubilation.

The game otherwise seemed like a snoozer but turned into a memorable classic with enough ups and downs to qualify as an Epcot ride. The Dolphins held a 35-19 lead with less than two minutes left, yet the Bengals came back and tied the game 35-35 on the last play of regulation.

Absurd stuff. This game made no sense whatsoever. This game was drunk on White Claw.

Ten minutes into overtime, the Dolphins sent out their field-goal unit to end one of the weirdest games in NFL history. A miss would have resulted in one of the most fitting ties ever recorded in sports, but against all odds, the Dolphins made the kick and took home the win.

Congratulations to the Miami Dolphins, winners of the Not Worst Bowl!

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