Miami Dolphins Win: Never Say Die!

Just when you thought they were good and dead, the Miami Dolphins pull off one of the most satisfying, Scarlett-Johansson's-knockers-in-your-face awesome victories of the 2009 season. It came thanks in large part to Chad Henne, Vontae Davis, and a Dolphins team that simply won't die.

On their first drive of the game, Randy Moss and Tom Brady flung a sock full of pennies at Miami's collective nards with a quick-strike 58-yard touchdown that seemed to signal we were in for a long afternoon. It appeared as if the game had just barely begun when the Dolphins were rammed headfirst into a 14-0 hole against the high-scoring Patriots.

And yet, just when you thought New England was going to drop 50-plus on the Fins and lounge in the other guys' stadium while sipping frozen daiquiris and making out with their girlfriends, the Dolphins dipped their balls in the slushy machine and proclaimed, "Um, yea... This thing ain't over yet."

The Dolphins kicked and clawed and fought with everything they had -- timely tackles, big interceptions, clutch catches, huge blocks, knees to the respective Patriots players' crotches -- you name it.

When Bill Belichick decided to go for the first down instead of kicking

a field goal from the Miami six-yard line, the Dolphins front seven

stepped up and force-fed Patriots running back Sammy Morris a heaping

spoonful of bad-assery, stuffing him for no gain. When the

Patriots were again threatening to score from the Miami five-yard line

later in the game, rookie cornerback Vontae Davis went all Crouching

Tiger, Hidden Dragon on Randy Moss's ass and launched himself into the

air, snatching the ball out of the sky for the interception. When the

Dolphins needed a receiver to step up and deliver a massive cock punch

to the New England secondary, it was Davone Bess and his ten-reception,

117-yard, one-touchdown performance that did the trick. Hell, even Ted

Ginn got in on the good times with two huge third-down catches.

But no one stepped up larger than second-year quarterback Chad Henne.

After the Patriots scored on another huge bomb -- this time an 81-yard

strike from Brady to Sam Aiken -- the Dolphins found themselves in a

21-10 hole in the second half. But such large deficits do not faze Chad

Henne. Mainly because he has unwavering confidence. Also, because he's

a robot from the '50s.

The Robot Chad Henne led Miami to back-to-back scoring drives,

including a laser-accurate pass to Brian Hartline in the back of the

end zone.

After a few more defensive stops, the Dolphins found themselves down

21-19 with just 3:44 left in the game. At this point, the

Robot oiled up his gigantic metallic balls and proceeded to make mincemeat of the Patriots' defense. Henne led Miami on a ten-play, 51-yard

drive that culminated in Dan Carpenter's go-ahead field goal with 1:02

left to play.

Normally, a one-point deficit with 1:02 left is nothing for Brady and

the Patriots to overcome. But that's before the Dolphins introduced

them to sack-master Cameron Wake. With 42 seconds left, Wake plowed

through the line, mauling Brady and treating him like Bruce Willis did

those German dudes in Die Hard, forcing Dreamboat to throw an errant

pass that sailed right into the waiting arms of linebacker Channing

Crowder. Game over. Dolphins 22, Patriots 21. Unbelievable.

And so the Dolphins are suddenly at 6-6 and in the thick of

it. Wildcard, you say? Pfft. Miami is just a game back in the AFC East.

And with four games left to play, with these never-say-die Dolphins,

anything can happen.

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Chris Joseph