The Miami Dolphins are back. Well, sort of almost back. It's that training-camp time of year again, a time when optimism and hype are as high as the South Florida sun is hot.
Though the Dolphins are reportedly planning to move soon from the Nova Southeastern fields they've called home since the mid-'90s, for now all the magic still happens out in Davie. To get you geared up and ready for practices that will soon be open to the public, here's a handy-dandy guide for everything Miami Dolphins Training Camp 2018.
Welcome back, football — we've been expecting you.
I'm new here: Where are these Miami Dolphins practices you speak of?
No worries! We've got you covered. Fins practices take place at Baptist Health Training Facility at Nova Southeastern University, located at 7500 SW 30th St. in Davie. It's right off University Drive. You can't miss it.
Parking is on the second floor inside the library garage. The fee is $1 per hour. Enter from the east entrance or they'll arrest you. Just kidding — they won't arrest you, but you will be shamed and asked to do it the right way.
How do I know which practices are open to the public?
Boom: Click this link right here and you shall receive that information. Things get started July 26. Unlike back in the day, before the internet existed and your dad and Uncle Hal drove you to camp, these days you need to RSVP online to reserve a seat. Miami Dolphins practices: Very exclusive. VERY limited.
Where are the seats?
Think of Dolphins practices like the movies: First come, first served. If you want a seat in the shade, get there early. If you don't get there early, bring a towel so you don't burn your entire ass. It'll happen. You're allowed to bring seat cushions or bleacher seats or any other sort of butt stuff.
What can't I bring inside practices?
Well, you can't bring your horse or dining room table. There are a lot of things you can't bring. No alcohol is the one you're probably wondering about. Also, no guns or weapons. This is not the place for your Chinese stars.
Oddly, the Dolphins make it clear they can kick you out for wearing distracting clothing. That probably means shiny stuff. Just be normal. Also, they say no drones. NO DRONES, 2018 IS SO CRAY. As far as bags are concerned, it's the same as game days: No bags unless they're those tiny clear things. You can use a ziplock bag like a weirdo if you really need to.
Can I bring my camera?
This is tricky: The Dolphins don't want you to steal their super-top-secret plays, so nothing outside a phone or a camera with a lens smaller than eight inches is OK.
Oh, phones are cool, though? Good, I wanna fire off some hot tweets.
NOPE! There is no Twitter in this Miami Dolphins dojo. YOU CAN'T EVEN TEXT PEOPLE because of Miami Dolphins secrets. Basically, it's North Korea up in this bitch.
You come, you sit, you watch. No "transmission of data," the Dolphins
Geesh! Where can I smoke?
At home! There is no smoking at the Dolphins' practice facility. The Fins support a family-friendly environment, which is why they fired a coach for snorting cocaine in his office last year. That really happened.
Is there a concession stand? Can I bring food?
You can't bring food, but you can eat before you arrive because the Dolphins are not the boss of you. It's tradition for fans to eat at Laspadas Hoagies in Davie after practice, but if you plan to eat while you're there, the Fins say concession stands will sell breakfast food and drinks.
What if it rains?
You need to know this before you come: Dolphins practices have been known to be moved indoors at the last second, even as fans sit in the stands waiting to watch. The Fins have an indoor practice bubble for a reason, and they aren't going to risk injury so you can get an autograph from the second-string long snapper.
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SHOW ME HOW
Wait, we can get autographs?
Yup. If you can get your hands through a fence and a player stops, you can get a signature. Per the Dolphins, autographs are most likely to be obtained along the west fence for ten minutes following practice. Got a kid? You need to sign up right when you arrive for your child to get an autograph. Look for a table. The Dolphins say players will sign for up to 100 kids under the age of 12.
Anything else we should know before we head out to a practice?
Have fun. Dolphins practices are a time where "Super Bowl! Super Bowl!" chants are common and the hype over a seventh-round pick is insane. Don't expect to see a scrimmage. Much of the time, you'll be watching dudes stretching and drinking water out of really cool-looking water machines.
Keep an eye out for famous people. You never know who's in town and out getting an up-close tour. David Beckham, Dwayne Johnson, or Jennifer Lopez could be right in front of you on the sidelines. You never know.
Most important, let the kids enjoy it. This is probably the closest they'll ever get to players. Bring an autograph book they'll keep in their closet until they have their own kids. Grab a program and point out players. Don't be negative — there will be plenty of time for that every Sunday in the fall. Have fun. Football is back!