The good news is that on Sunday, the Miami Dolphins looked better than they have all season. They even had a lead at one point!
The bad news is the Miami Dolphins have been so awful this season that getting quietly thumped by the San Diego Chargers 30-10 qualifies as progress.
So, here we are. Welcome to a season where losses are good, wins are bad, and blowout losses are measured in categories like hurricanes.
The Dolphins have now been outscored 163-26 this season. The tank is strong.— Will Manso (@WillManso) September 29, 2019
Through four games, the Dolphins have losses of 59-10, 43-0, 31-6, and 30-10, and they haven't scored in the second half yet. In any other year, someone would have called 911 by now, but in a season that is unapologetically all about losses and draft picks, the only regret the Dolphins seem to have is how good they are at being bad on purpose. It's one thing to try to do badly, but when you find out you're a natural, you can't help but feel a little sad about it.
Against the Chargers on Sunday, it almost seemed as though things would break the Dolphins' way, even if they didn't want them to. After a DeVante Parker score that put the Dolphins up 7-3, it appeared they might be looking at one of those fluke Sundays that seemingly come along once a season at the most useless of times. Fans, as shown by this gif below, were getting pretty excited about the Dolphins' chances at an improbable upset.
Then reality struck. The Chargers scored a mere three minutes later, took the lead right back, and went on to kick the Dolphins' asses, just as everyone expected them to. It was one hell of sleepy, very respectful ass-kicking, but a solid 20-point ass-kicking nevertheless.
The feel-goods were nice while they lasted, though. And we'll always have this gif, so that's fun, too.
As you might have expected, most Dolphins fans couldn't care less that Philip Rivers threw for a very business-like 310 yards and two touchdowns, with almost none of his usual weapons available on offense due to injury. Most Dolphins fans know what's up. The #TankForTua path to imperfection is now 25 percent complete.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
The Dolphins will not lose next week. That much is guaranteed. They can't because they don't play — it's their bye week. The week off comes at the perfect time, though, as the Dolphins will need all the extra time they can get to prepare for 0-4 Washington October 13. You can bet the Dolphins won't be able to make losing look as easy as they have so far.
Actually, don't bet on that. Definitely don't bet on that at all.