Audio By Carbonatix
Independent Journalism in Miami Needs You
We need to raise $10,000 by August 9 to support the reporting our community depends on. Reader support keeps us independent and is playing a larger role in funding local journalism and shaping what comes next. If you believe independent local journalism matters, make a contribution today.
Sometimes we hate American culture. We hate the gross vending-machine-ready bits of salt and fat we call snack food, and we hate our rigid gender stereotypes. So of course we hate the fact that Combos — yes, those strange paste-filled pretzel things — have named Miami Beach the nation’s seventh least manly city.
I guess Combos have figured out that men hellbent on upholding their machismo are the only people stupid enough to eat the company’s weird products, and for a while have been putting together a list of “America’s Manliest Cities” as a PR stunt. This year Miami Beach came 44th out of 50.
“The study compiles manly metrics of each city like the number of home improvement stores, steak houses, manly occupations and motorcycles per capita,” the press release says. “But just like a high concentration of construction workers can boost a city’s manly measure, an excess of cupcake shops and fancy furniture stores can hurt a city’s rank.”
Oh, dear macho God, the sheer horror of eating a cupcake on a designer lounge chair! That’s clearly the most feminine thing imaginable.
Combos also took into account the personal ratings of their “Board of Manliness,” which includes washups such as wrestler Sargent Slaughter, Lou “the Incredible Hulk” Ferrigno, and, for some reason, lesbian comedian Judy Gold.
If you’re wondering, Nashville, Tennessee, took home the title of most manly, while Los Angeles was awarded the bottom spot.
Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.
