Miami Beach cop Reinaldo Casas really wants his job back. He wants it back so badly he's willing to admit he was once an aficionado of the most embarrassing product ever.
Sexual aid cream.
On February 27, the Miami Beach Police Department fired Casas -- who's been reprimanded for making "conflicting statements," missing court appearances, "excessive sick time usage," and "gross negligence" -- when he tested positive for drug use, according to his internal affairs file.
But Casas wasn't going down easy. He filed a grievance to explain how he'd tested positive for narcotic abuse. It's not drugs, he swore.
Casas's sexual prowess had been lacking, so he asked his girlfriend for advice. She had just the solution: "sexual aid cream/gel." So he slathered it on, and that was that.
But then, on January 15, he was called into the Health Center of Miami for a drug test. It was administered by Dr. Ben Droblas. Later that day, according to an internal affairs file, Droblas called Casas and delivered the news: He failed.
Casas was flabbergasted. He then evidently picked up a thesaurus to properly annotate his state of mood in a grievance he filed shortly afterward. "I was baffled, perplexed, and confused as to how these [results] could be possible," Casas wrote March 13.
"However, over time, heavy deliberation and the insight of others, I was able to pinpoint the cause," wrote Casas, who didn't return requests for comment for this story. "[It's] a sexual aid cream/gel... The sexual aid cream was provided to me by a friend to assist my sexual performance, and he never told me it contained [redacted drug name]. My girlfriend has used/applied the gel."
It's unclear what lotion, exactly, Casas might have been applying that would have contaminated the results of his drug test. New Times was unable to find any specific creams that would muddy a drug test in such a manner. Though we did discover that men suffering from erectile dysfunction have a higher likelihood of abusing drugs than those who are sexually buoyant.
Indeed, if there are any untruths in Casas' explanation, it wouldn't be the first time. Even better, at one point he was making in excess of $120,000 annually.
Perhaps his biggest humdinger came in 2005, when Casas was deposed by the Miami-Dade public defender about his arrest of a man named Daryl Burford. Casas refused to answer whether he'd been fired from the Hialeah Police Department and allegedly became combative, according to his internal affairs file.
Then things got weird. "For the record, June 10, 2002, I was involved in a rollover crash, which 30 percent of my memory was not with me, so I don't remember a whole lot," Casas blathered. "So for the record, we put that on the record."
When cops looked into his claim that he'd lost 30 percent of his memory in July 2005, they came up with nothing. In that same deposition, they also found he'd lied about whether any allegation against him had ever been sustained while he was employed at the Hialeah Police Department -- when one involving his issuance of a citation had.
His conduct had been "highly inappropriate," a police investigator found, and Casas was suspended for two days.
But soon, Casas was back on the streets.
In 2006, he arrived at a traffic stop of an Enterprise Rent-A-Car van. According to his internal affairs file, the cop looked inside the van for "two seconds" and then allowed a tow truck to take it away -- though it had more than $1,000 worth of goods inside. Afterward, when the van's owner asked what happened, Casas falsely claimed "there was no property in the van" when it was towed. He was cited for "gross negligence" and "gross inefficiency."
One year later, Casas missed a court appearance. He told the department he'd been absent because of a dental appointment -- and asserted he'd informed them of that. But Miami Beach Police had no record of that purported telephone call, according to internal police records. It was his second unexcused absence in a year.
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For the next several years, Casas kept his nose clean -- until, of course, l'affaire sexual aid cream.
Miami Beach Police spokesperson Bobby Hernandez said Casas' grievance report is awaiting arbitration.
Send your story tips to the author, Terrence McCoy.