If flocks of chickens suddenly grow the size of buildings and take over the world, Miami Beach residents better run for cover. The angry fowl would stomp with a vengeance to homes of city commissioners, peck off their roofs, and set fire to an ordinance on their doorsteps.
Why? Well, in the past five years, more chickens have been evicted from the Beach under the livestock ordinance than any other creature considered a "farm animal." Seven out of eight citations were for either chickens or roosters. (The other was, curiously, for a camel.)
So we reckon them chicks are startin' to feel a tad persecuted. Last week, an amiable white rooster named Mr. Clucky caused quite the national media frenzy after city officials pointed to the ordinance and gave his owner, Mark Buckley, seven days to ditch his pet. (Buckley is fighting them.)
For kicks, we called a few of the other livestock rebels who were handed tickets in the past few years. Here they are:
Ruth Braverman, Sheridan Avenue:
Citation says: "Keeping poultry in a single-family district."
She says: "That was a big mistake; it was our neighbors' chicken. They're kinda seedy over there; they run a halfway house for animals."
Ciro Tatta, 85th Street:
Citation says: "Keeping baby chickens."
He says: "Chickens? I have no idea what you're talking about."
Thomas Weiss, Pine Tree Drive:
Citation says: "Horses and camel on the property."
He says: "That was probably my renter. He's a pretty well-known guy in South Beach. He must have had a party."
Looks like no outraged owners. Too bad we can't interview the chickens.