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Melo Drops 50 as Knicks Beat Depleted Heat 102-90

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Heat fans tuning in for a possible Eastern Conference Finals preview Tuesday night were instead treated to another helping of the Miami Heat "B-Team" with an extra-large side of Carmelo Anthony ass. Anthony sizzled all night long, finishing with a career-high-tying 50 points as the New York Knicks pulled away late for the 102-90 win.

Without LeBron James or Dwyane Wade guarding him, Anthony was like a kid in a candy store from the get-go, using and abusing Udonis Haslem and Shane Battier all night long and finishing a ridiculous 18-26 from the floor, including seven threes.

The Heat back-up squad started off where it finished in San Antonio, using high-energy and clutch three-point shooting to overcome a short-handed lineup, but that formula faded by halftime. Mike Miller had 18 points in the first 24 minutes, including a barrage of put-back slams and deep threes, but then he went scoreless in the second half. Chris Bosh finished with a team high 23 points, but ten of those points came from the line because Tyson Chandler pretty much neutralized him. Once the outside shots stopped falling, it was a wrap for Miami, obviously missing James and Wade's playmaking ability. Surprisingly, the "Be LeBron James Playbook" works better when being run by LeBron James and is less effective when carried out by Rashard Lewis, who finished scoreless in 28 minutes of uninspired play. This information, however, might prove useful come the playoffs.

Prior to the game, the Knicks' Raymond Felton voiced his opinion that point guard was a weakness for the Heat. With Mario Chalmers missing this contest, how did Norris Cole answer this challenge, you ask? By playing like complete duck shit, finishing with seven turnovers and just three assists. Duck shit.

It was apparent Carmelo Anthony came to fuck right away Tuesday night, starting off hitting his first seven shots and finishing the first quarter with 17. For some reason, the Heat decided Udonis Haslem was the man to mark Anthony most of the night, and Melo had Haslem out around the three-point line all night long, where he time and time again abused him. It wasn't pretty to watch, but below is a video of the whole thing if you hate yourself.

Besides Carmelo spreading the Miami Heat's butt cheeks all night long, the highlight of the game went to Kenyon Martin, who threw down a facial on Birdman Andersen. To add insult to injury, following the play, Spoelstra was given a technical foul for delay of game for being too far on the court. Can't blame Birdman here -- he turned the ship around, and the iceberg was RIGHT ON TOP OF HIS ASS.

These two teams don't meet again in the regular season, but you have to believe they will see each other once more before it's all said and done. No matter the seeding, these two teams seem to find each other in the playoffs, and the result is always entertaining basketball -- it's some sort of fucked-up love/hate shit, like how tasty pizza rolls burn the shit out of your mouth or something.

Up next for Miami is a thrilling Friday-night showdown against the Charlotte Bobcats, a team that Miami might sign new players to start against and fly the real Miami Heat team to Hawaii or something. The news here is a lot of fans are left holding their dicks after buying expensive tickets in advance hoping the Heat would be near breaking the winning-streak record. Now, not only is the record a thing of the past, but also those pricey tickets just became the world's most expensive Juwan Howard photo op ever -- that's a sad Bobcats fan.

The countdown to anus-clenching basketball is upon us Miami. Get your sleep now!

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