Marlins Officially Eliminated From Playoffs

The cruel joke played on South Florida every year by Major League Baseball has officially reached its season-ending punch line. Despite sitting near the top of the National League earlier this season, the Marlins have now been officially eliminated from playoff contention. A 5-7 loss to the Mets last night sealed the deal.

So who's ready for opening day at that shiny new stadium next year?

This season creepily and pathetically mirrored last year's. The team got off to a strong start, but by the time summer rolled around, the wheels fell off. The team hastily fired its manager, and the Fish only further found themselves being entwined in a net of failure.

Now the only thing 80-year-old skipper Jack McKeon can do is spend the last month trying to keep his team from finishing last in the division.

Though, perhaps the front office better start thinking about next season. They'll be moving into their highly unpopular, taxpayer-funded stadium. Their best PR move right now is making huge changes during the off-season and putting together a team that won't inevitably fall apart. Is Pat Riley available for a consult gig? He seems to be the only person in South Florida who's good at that kind of thing.

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