In their latest doomed effort to goose ticket sales the Miami Marlins will be hosting a "Legend of Wrestling Night" on August 24. Sixteen former professional wrestlers will be on hand for you to, I don't know, look at I guess according to Biz of Baseball. There will be three or four actual wrestling matches taking place after the game.
Though, as former '90s pro-wrestling aficionados, we're not really sure the majority of these guys really qualify for legend status.
Though the list is subject to change, here's who have the Marlins have on store:
Bret "The Hitman" Hart
Undisputed legend. Top ten of all time. Such a badass that no one even questioned the fact he came out week-after-week in pink spandex. In fact, if men today can wear pink without anyone making fun of them you probably have Bret Hart thanks.
As a kid who was pretty clued in that wrestling was fixed even then I recognized his "streak" in WCW was a substitute for any actual personality or storyline, but he was still amazing in the ring. "The Jackhamer" was a pretty amazing finishing move, so we won't argue with the fact he gets to throw out the first pitch.
Greg "The Hammer" Valentine
Literally have no idea who this is.
Brutus "The Beefcake" Barber
This guy's heyday occurred when I was six. Even then I couldn't find a guy whose gimmick was literally that he was a barber who dressed like he worked as a discount bachelor party stripper anything other than sad and embarrassing for everyone involve.
Koko B. Ware
"Haha, OMG, was that the guy with the bird? Good Lord, it totally was the guy with the bird."
Jimmy "The Mouth of the South" Hart
A manager more than a wrestler, I think his purpose was that you wanted to punch him in the mouth to get him to shut up. He was pretty successful on that count.
The Nasty Boys
Everyone's fifth or sixth favorite WWF tag team from the '90s. Which means people sort of remember them.
Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart
Bret Hart's real life brother-in-law and tag-team partner. Decidedly not the reason wearing pink is considered acceptable today.
Either give us a full set of Bushwhackers or don't even bother.
Were Disco Inferno or Lenny Lane not available? Again, legitimately no idea.
This guy apparently came after my time, and I'm a little disappointed this isn't Arn Anderson.
Legitimately entertaining back in the day, and I'll allow it.
Davey Boy Smith, Jr
Wikipedia tells me he's The British Bulldog's son, but he could have saved me some time by just calling himself The British Bulldog Jr. Or actually The British Bullpuppy.
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These last few guys wrestler for "TNA," which I know little about, but apparently I didn't miss much.
So apparently I'm not buying tickets to this, but have fun if you do.