Magic City Kitty - Where Can I Rest My Old Ass Nuts?

Hello, Kitty

I’ve been living the bachelor life for as long as I care to remember, but when I watched my youngest son get married last month it kind of got me thinking about settling down. I’m 48 and have more than a few women in my life, but I couldn’t see being with any one of them for an eternity. Up until my mini change of heart a few weeks ago, my type was young, fun and preferably dumb women that I would meet at clubs, but this formula doesn’t work well when I think about making someone my wife. As a matter of fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seriously dated a woman that was marriage material. So my first question to you is where do I find a good woman? And the second is will it be possible for me to all of a sudden turn into faithful husband after I’ve been a dog for forty-something years?

Old Dog

Hey O.D.

Ew O.D. so are you one of those old dudes in the club, showing too much chest hair and cruising for young tail?! I’m soo glad you wrote in – it’s my honor to help eliminate at least one P.Y.T. hunter from the world. The answer to your first question is simple. Where can you find a good woman? Try anywhere you haven’t been going in the past 48 years. The only way that you’ll be able to switch gears from bachelor to family man will be to venture outside of Prettyyoungladyland for once. The cliché is that you can find a “good” woman in church, and you can, but you need to find a new church if that’s what you are trying to do. Truthfully, you’re going to have to switch up your routine quite a bit because by now, everyone that knows you now knows that you’re not the marrying type. So try something new - take a class, pick up a hobby, something. This minor effort will introduce you to some new women, and make the old ones see that you’re trying to change. And don’t think that the well of “fun” girls dries up once you’re ready for a commitment. You can kind of have your cake and eat it too if you mix the fun with some intelligence, similar morals, and mutual respect. And stop saying that you’re looking for a “wife.” Think “girlfriend” and then see where that goes. Baby steps, luv, baby steps. And if you want a permanent spot to rest your nuts, you have to make some changes within yourself. Start thinking about what you can offer a long-term relationship and what you want from it. You may realize that you’re not willing to give up your current lifestyle, and unless you’re loaded there aren’t too many women who will put up with that shit. BUT I do believe in the old adage that there’s someone for everybody, so you just may find a woman who’s willing to accept your club-hopping ways. But would you accept it from her?

And yes, it is possible for you to become a family man, but only if that’s what you really want. Forcing the situation upon you or anyone else will have you back at Privé chasing skirts faster than you can buy a group of high school girls a round of lemon drop shots. The fact that your son’s wedded bliss made you consider marriage is kind of suspect anyway. Just know that everything ain’t for everybody, and you could quite possibly be the bachelor-type. You don’t have to get married. If you have nieces and nephews they’re going to looove having that cool uncle who’ll buy them weed and teach them how to roll a condom on like a pro. Play your position, pops. And if in the meantime you find a good woman who sees the good in you, she’ll teach your old ass some new tricks. Because, yes, you are an old dog and it’s time for you to be trained. Sit Ubu, sit. Good dog.

Got a question? Email the Magic City Kitty.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


All-access pass to the top stories, events and offers around town.

  • Top Stories


All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >