Magic City Kitty: Top 9 Sexstions of 2009

We are the paper that will put a ball gag in your mouth and slap you onto the cover. We get ragged on about the pros advertising in the back of our book and the smutty things we sometimes document within our pages, but with Magic City Kitty, you guys write in and prove to us that your sexual appetite is just as varied and, er, adventurous. Here are the top nine of last year (in no particular order). Feliz Año Nuevo!

1. Got Semen? 

This guy's girlfriend had a New Year's resolution, and it was to eat better. She obviously hadn't heard about the health benefits of sperm in a healthy diet because she spat each time his wiener did. It's a girls' right to choose whether to spit, swallow, or gargle -- but totally the dude's right to leave if she chooses to force his seamen into the sewer sea.

2. Can I Have Doggie Sex?

When vibrators and affairs are not an option, one woman wanted to know if she could try to tap man's best friend. Not her man's best friend, but an actual dog. Her search for love, companionship, and a boner left many shaking their heads. And others eyeing their pets.

3. Poo Poo Paranoia

"Everybody Shits" is not a book, but if it were this girl could use a copy. She was stricken with a serious case of poo poo anxiety everytime her boyfriend came over for a sleepover, and her sex life was suffering because of it. No word on whether he appreciated the gesture or not.

4. He's in Love With a Stripper. Me.

T-Pain made falling in love with a stripper into a catchy song, but this woman forced her boyfriend into the same situation -- without him even knowing it. Once one of his friend's discovered her salacious secret, she had to let the cat out of the bag...and this time, for free.

5. Should I Just Get a Prostitute?

It's the single man's conundrum: con some unwitting girl into giving him no-strings sex or pay a pro to give him exactly what he needs. For this guy, it was as much about finding someone who was sexually liberated as it was to find someone who wouldn't expect him to produce a post coital ring.

6. My Mom is a Facebook Lesbian

Ahh, Facebook. Don't quote me (or think that I've actually done any research on the matter), but FB blew the fuck up in 2009. Everyone and their mama signed up for a profile, which meant that parents became "friends" with their spawn and vice versa. This girl found out why this is potentially a bad idea: a photo album full of her locking lips with other women. Whoa Mama!

7. Once, Twice, Three Times a Creep

Tiger Woods, Bill Clinton, and Boy George have all proven that when you shag successful men, shit may not end up how you thought it would. Beth was forced to watch cum ingestion, dog/man dry humping, and her own violent choking. #firstdatefail

8. Blowjob Layoff

Love shouldn't hurt, but each time this girl tried to give her man's wee wee a French kiss -- pain came to town. And since she's of the genus penis suckus and actually wanted to please her man, a solution was in order. Take two of these and call me in the morning.

9. Is Her Terminator the Vibrator?

So we're not riding in flying cars and whatnot, but technology is def comfy in the 21st century. Orgasms on the go? There's an app for that. This guy was threatened by his girl's pocket rocket and wanted to know if he should start looking for a piece of tail that didn't want a peen with batteries.

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Raina McLeod
Contact: Raina McLeod