Magic City Kitty - Suck Suck Shortage

Hello, Kitty

My boyfriend seems to think that I don’t give him enough blow jobs. After living together for 3 years, I admit that the frequency has slowed down to around twice a week but damn – I work full-time, have a two-year-old son, and plus it makes my jaw hurt. He’s always making comments about how he can go get it from somewhere else if I won’t do it, and I’m on the verge of telling him to go ahead. He only goes down on me on Christmas and my birthday, and this isn’t anything new, it’s always been like that. So I’m thinking, why should I be on my knees night after night? What do I do?

Betty Noblow

Hey Betty,

Damn, your man is complaining about getting head twice a week? I know a couple of chicks that only go down on a leap year, your dude should be ecstatic that you put your lipstick on his dipstick 8 times a month. But still, the head issue is a boner of contention within many relationships because guys expect you to bake a cake, roll a blunt, suck a dick, and balance a checkbook all while taking care of the kids, house and him. Not that he’s wrong for wanting more, it’s just unfair for him to make ultimatums when he only serves you with holiday head. So while you’re right to perform the penis-mouthus on your own schedule, you don’t want to let your man loose in the streets to find another headmaster. Some women looove to eat cock and will slob a knob with as much joy as another women shops for shoes. You’ve got to handle this Betty, because someone else’s love of the skull duggery may have you looking for a new roommate. Plus, relationships are all about compromises and sacrifices – you gotta do what you gotta do to keep your partner happy. Even if it means a little deep throat.

One thing you can do is to learn how to get your man off as quickly as possible, thus minimizing your time spent with his pubies on your chin. Each man is different, and I don’t know the particular trick that gets your man off, but hopefully you do. If not, I’ll give you two foolproof hints, suction and saliva, and you figure it out. But it’s truly trial and error and once you find out what he likes, he won’t care if you do the same moves every time, so long as you do it. Your other option is to find some joy in the blow job. Do it with a spoonful of Haagen Dazs in your mouth or imagine that he’s your favorite barely-legal pop star. Just get the job done, Betty – your relationship may depend on it.

Got a question? Email the Magic City Kitty.

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