Hello, Kitty
I’m in a top-secret relationship with a man whom my family thinks is a deadbeat, and my friends think is an all-out loser who isn’t worth a second of my time. These things may be true sometimes, but no matter what, he’s the father of my child I can’t abandon the feelings I once had for him. So, basically I’m 36, support myself and my daughter financially, own a house and car, but I have to sneak around with my man as if I’m 16-years-old. It’s not that I don’t understand why my family hates him, he comes in and out of my and my daughter’s life at his leisure, has cheated on me countless times, and doesn’t support our daughter. But, he’s the father of my child and once the love of my life! We were once engaged but I left him when he cheated on me, and I still regret it. I think we can work our issues out, but no matter what, we have to see each other and if we can be in a relationship – it will benefit the two of us, but mostly my daughter. I want her to have a daddy, and I want me to have a man, but I don’t want my family and friends to think I’m a dumb ass for being with this guy. So, I’m forced to hide our relationship from everyone. They have no idea that he’s been living with me, and I’m sick of sneaking around and secluding myself from my family. What do I do?
B.B. Mama
What you do is realize that you are a grown ass woman, and it’s your business what you do with your pussy. And you’re right, sneaking around is akin to being back in high school, so stop it; if you’re woman enough to lay up with this guy, then you should be woman enough to own it. But you and I both know that if you were really confident that this man was good for you, you wouldn’t be hiding your relationship from your family and you damn sure wouldn’t be asking me what to do. So he’s a cheater, a deserter, and a deadbeat dad? On paper, dude sucks. And if you ask me B.B., while you’re sneaking him in the back door, your self-respect is scooting out the back. Not good, mami. Right now, your panties are equipped with a revolving door, and he’s taking full advantage of that.
Yes, he may be living with you now, but are you sure that he’s not going to leave you high and dry again? And is he really worth one more try? Your daughter needs him to be her daddy, but you do not need him to be your man. You’ve invested your time into this relationship and while I’m sure you’re comfortable with the familiarity of your babydaddy, you’ve also gotten mighty comfortable with his BS too. It’s quite possible that the sheer excitement of this covert operation is shielding your eyes from the actual pain that your babydaddy is throwing onto you. Please believe that your family and friends have you and your daughter’s best interest at heart, which makes their disapproval all the more powerful. Yes, there may be a few haters in the bunch, but all in all they have your back and want you to be happy, treated well, and all of that. So either you need to really stop fuckin with dude or you need to let your loved ones see the good that you see in him. Whatever you do, don’t sell yourself short in any way. If he’s toxic, leave him. If he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you, demand that he commits to you and soon your family and friends won’t have anything bad to say about him. Oh and if that doesn’t work, here’s your prescription: bottle of Wray & Nephew, picture of Terrence Howard, a vibrator, and an endless supply of batteries.
Got a question? Email the Magic City Kitty.
