Magic City Kitty -- My Boyfriend Craves a Bicurious Bacchanalia

Hello, Kitty

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little more than 9 months and sex-wise we’ve tried everything under the sun. At first, he was a little conservative, but now hot wax, handcuffs, role-play -- you name it and we’ve done it. I’m very happy with him, but I’ve always fantasized about being with a girl . I’ve told my boyfriend about my fantasy and he says that it’s a no-go unless either he’s involved or he gets a night alone with a chick too. I think that his demands are ridiculous. I’m not interested in a threesome and I damn sure don’t want him boning some random broad. It’s not like I want a relationship with a girl, just one night. How can I fulfill my fantasy without losing my boy?

Selfish Sapphist

Dear Selfish,

Your guy is totally right to demand that he be involved in this bicurious bacchanalia, and believe me, your insistence that you don’t want a relationship with a girl is of no comfort to him. Did you know that you’d be pouring hot wax on your conservative Charlie’s chest before you got with him? Yeah, neither did he. So he knows better than anyone that you can teach an old dog new tricks. The point is, S.S., you never know what you like until you try it. And with you being so adventurous in the bedroom, the odds of your enjoying the touch of a woman are quite high. Hell, the newness of the experience alone may be enough to turn you out. Put it like this: Your guy might not be replaced, but this one innocent tryst could lead to a series of behind-his-back late-night lesbionage.

I’m all for the girl power, gettin’ yours and shit, but the bottom line is: If you want this, let him go. Or better yet Selfish, if you want this don’t let him know. The good thing about sapphism is that you won’t have to deal with the usual tell-tale signs of infidelity - latex residue from not-his-brand condom on your walls and the most tell-tale sign: unwanted coochie expansion. So unless you do decide to let your man in the room, there’s no way he’ll find out that you’ve converted to full-blown lesbyterianism. Caution: the use of a strap-on voids the no-coochie-expansion perk; that will happen and your adventures in lesboville will then be exposed.

Got a question? Email the Magic City Kitty.

KEEP MIAMI NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Frank Houston